I was dreading this one… I really was. After The Prisoner of Azkaban so captivated Eric, I was sure that he would just remain in his excited little bubble for what was to come next. But I didn’t have faith that his bubble could protect him from this rubbish. So now to see if this movie was purely ruined because the book was better, or because the movie just sucks. I honestly feel that Axis of Awesome has it right in Rage of Thrones – Hollywood cannot live up to the power of imagination!
After being particularly impressed with Azkaban, I was kind of excited to see this go in a more mature direction – and hopefully like this one too. After I fired this up that feeling of excitement started to diminish quickly when I noticed that Pooter and Weasley were sporting women’s hairdos and they were able to access another realm by touching an old, dirty boot. They touch the boot and spin around like a human pinwheel, enter another realm of magic and wizardry and fall 600 feet, but it’s all good – they’re tough kids, I suppose.
Then these two red headed kids do some singing and dancing and Harry’s having bad dreams and the flying soccer ball match gets attacked by terrorists and then they take a boat to Hogwarts instead of the train and suddenly they’re hosting the 400th annual Wizard Triumvirate (or something) and that pasty schmuck from Twilight is in it and Harry turns into a fish and swims underwater with his eyeglasses on and the CGI is TERRIBLE and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
The last twenty or so minutes of this were pretty decent – mainly because Ralph Fiennes shows up but they don’t make up for the last 12 and a half hours it took for me to watch it. I mean really, Harry is this guy who isn’t scared of giant spiders and serpents and dragons and ghosts but he’s too scared to ask a chick out to the formal cotillion? And that sequence when they come out of the clouds after touching the boot – REALLY? What is this THE SOUND OF MUSIC?? Dangle dangle dangle walk on air…. I also can’t stress how poor the CGI is in this – you would think that with the type of money this series made and the funds they pumped into it, they could make a decent looking mermaid.
Oh well… I guess we press on…
- Alan Rickman. I know I hammer on him being an amazing Severus Snape, but he never fails to disappoint.
- Roger Lloyd-Pack as Barty Crouch, he had that role down! Stiff, unyielding, no humour, great.
- The minuscule dragon replicas. They really looked great.
- Rita Skeeter. She just looks revolting, her makeup, hair and nails just screamed who she was.
- The Unforgiveable Curses. They were not too bad.
- The Goblet of Fire. It looked really good and it was so cool how the flames shot out properly and changed colour, and the way that it looked when giving the name slips was awesome.
- Fred and George Weasley. Again a bag of laughs, especially trying to get over the age line.
- Draco Malfoy. He really made a great ferret!
- Viktor Krum. Stanislav Ianeski did a good job.
- Triwizard delegations arrival methods. The Beauxbatons carriage and Durmstrang ship were very well done.
- Moody’s office. Had all the Dark detectors and the massive trunk and a Dark air to it.
- The prefects’ bathroom. It is very well done, and looks good.
- Neville Longbottom. Matthew Lewis was just great for the role.
- The gillyweed effects. They were done right but the CGI sucked for it.
- Ralph Fiennes. Now that was a great casting choice for Voldemort.
- Voldemort’s rebirth. It looked fantastic, and the way his robes fluttered almost like smoke was simply stunning.
- Wormtail. Still very well cast.
- Death Eaters. Their apparating looked good, as well as their attire.
- Priori Incantatum. Showed correctly.
- Barty Crouch Junior. He was revealed right in the beginning of the film as opposed to an end shocker.
- The Quidditch World Cup. It sucked. That is all.
- The Triwizard Delegations. They just arrive, just like that. No explanation until way after as to who these people were and what they were there for.
- Triwizard delegation introductions. Stupid dancing and prancing and sighing. I mean truly now?!
- Ludo Bagman. Where was he?
- The CGI. That is all that I am going to say on the matter.
- Where discoveries were made. Such as Sirius telling Harry things that he was supposed to learn in the Pensieve, which we don’t even really get into in this film.
- Madam Maxime. How much bigger than Hagrid could she possibly be?!
- Bill and Charlie Weasley. Pity they got overlooked!
- No Winky. She was pretty important for plot twist reveals and character building.
- No Percy Weasley. No Percy and his Ministry of Magic and Crouch obsession.
- The first task. What the hell was the meaning of an escaped dragon that knocked itself out? How preposterous!
- Mad-Eye Moody. Argh. This just upsets me every time. Brendan Gleeson was not flawed, just the entire way Moody was presented as well as his appearance. Not what it should be, though the portrayal it self was fine.
- Albus Dumbledore. I love the dude and all that right, but neither of these actors managed to capture his essence. This Dumbledore was pretty vicious and violent and screaming and manhandling Harry all the time.
- The movie’s portrayal of Krum. Not that the actor did a bad job, it is just the people that did the script make him look like a totally horrible person and into Dark stuff and all.
- Harry and Cho were not really explained well.
- Fleur Delacour. I really expected more.
- Who the hell baths with glasses? Except Harry Potter, of course?
- Excluding Dobby. Neville was not the one that helped Harry with the gillyweed.
- The CGI and the second task. SUCKED.
- Barty’s death. That was it? Just like that? No transfiguring his corpse to a bone and burying it, no rush to beg Harry to listen?
- The whole way through the maze is faulty, seeing as no obstacles were faced.
- No Dementor’s Kiss for Barty.
- The Order of the Phoenix not called together.
This movie was pretty damn confusing. I know what was supposed to be going on because I read the books, but nobody watching me really got it, and kept asking questions, and didn’t get it all at the end. There was a lot that was not correctly explained in here or included, and a lot fell flat. I intensely disliked this one, but I know that is sounding like a common tune with me, but I need credit for at least trying! (See, my pro’s lists are getting bigger? Right? Anyone? Hello?)