JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – The Motion Picture (1979)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Ladies and gentleman, today I am proud to present the latest project hosted by the beloved Eric of The IPC and myself: Star Trek! The Chop and I are going to go through twelve films, reverting back to you with our reviews on the experience in a great double feature, and we truly hope that you guys have fun. Enjoy it! So far this has been a blast (for me, anyway), and we hope that this comes together, sharing the experience with you. Right, I think it is high time I stop waffling and move on for what you guys came here for: Star Trek: The Motion Picture!

star trek the motion picture

SYNOPSIS: An alien phenomenon of unprecedented size and power is approaching Earth, destroying everything in its path. The only starship in range is the USS Enterprise – still in drydock after a major overhaul. As Captain Willard Decker readies his ship and his crew to face this menace, Admiral James T. Kirk arrives with orders to take command of the Enterprise and intercept the intruder. But it has been three years since Kirk last commanded the Enterprise on its historic five year mission… is he up to the task of saving the Earth? – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty folks, so now you are hopefully clued up… I think. If not, that’s also okay. I will be the first to admit that I had never seen any of the Star Trek films until last year sometime, when I decided to try it. Still in the truth phase, I was one of those idiots that had never seen Star Trek and believed firmly it was either Star Wars or Star Trek, none of this middle ground stuff. Well, then I pulled my head up and decided I would like to look into them (mainly because I don’t like being uninformed, and mostly because the new ones looked really good and I prefer watching things when I am familiar with the history). I borrowed them from a colleague and got cracking.

One thing that this film probably could have seriously benefited from was those extremely long and dwindling shots being cut down a bit. I mean Kirk’s arrival at the Enterprise took a damn century… because they spent all that time panning around it. It takes so long you eventually forget what it is that you are looking out for, then it comes back. The same applies for when the Enterprise got to V’Ger. Dammit man, hurry it along! Aside from that heckle, the rest is minor. It starts like this:

star trek the motion picture waxing lyricalstar trek the motion picture enterprise

Then, just as you think it is over (you are lulled into this false sense of security because all sorts of other stuff happens in between, including a bald alien probe), you get more glory shots:

star tek motion picture more panning

Moving along from the eyeful of Enterprise that I was graced with, I enjoy the cast (bear in mind I have never watched the series, either – sorry my PSC), and the effects were not dreadful for their time. The story was also pretty decent. Decker was a pain in my toe, though I could understand why he did the things he did.

star trek motion picture crew

I was so happy when Spock cut his damned hair after he left Vulcan and before he joined Kirk and Co on the Enterprise. He looked ludicrous before that. It also seems that the Klingons are forever destined to be ugly as hell. I was truly not a fan of the costumes in this show, they were just not cool. They were bland and boring – much prefer the outfits that come in from Wrath of Khan and onwards. What I did like about this movie was the score, it worked quite well.

Hmmmm, I don’t really know what else to say… if you have seen this movie, you will know that it was probably not the greatest entry of all time, but it was alright. It was overly long for what it was, and a lot could have been scaled back. I think this was a great way to bring Star Trek over to more people than just those who watched the show. For instance, the movies are just right for me, but I think that the series might just bring me to my knees. Who knows, maybe one day I will check it out? This is worth the watch, definitely. While this was certainly no Star Wars Original Trilogy or anything like that, I had a good time with it.

the chop

Helloooooooooooo Earthlings!! Greetings!! Salutations!! Farts!!

I’m sure my Precious JB has given you the scoop on what this is about, so I probably don’t need to go into that. I mean – unless you’re one of those people who only saw Star Wars and go around pissing about how it’s better than Trek – well – you know who you are… but if you’re even remotely a fan, you’ve seen this one. As a LIFE LONG Trek fan, of course I went to see this in the theater when I was a kid and – yep – I thought it was a long and boring piece of crap. It was the only movie my Grandma Jackson ever took me too.  Oh and yep – I was once named Chris Jackson until my dad adopted me and changed my name.

Anyway, seeing as how The Wrath of Khan is one of my favorite movies ever, I had never revisited this until the other day and…………. I actually kind of liked it. I think people who rate this low (like I once would have) probably have bad memory of it from when they were kids (like me) but I was actually pretty entertained this time around. And, since I’m sure my Fondest JB has given you the skinny on the plot and such, let me address a couple of things I saw in here.

After commandeering the Enterprise from the hands of Captain Decker (grooooooooooooooan), Kirk calls an assembly of the entire crew of the ship to explain what’s going on. So….. who the fuck is THIS GUY?????

(You can click on any image throughout this series to make them larger)

STTMPa

Did the writers write him in? Did the director (who also did The Sound of Music) decide during production “HMMMMM, let’s throw in a random Butt looking alien for fun.” HMMMM… Also to note that in the following picture from the assembly, Butt Alien does not appear to be in attendance but there is THIS guy:

STTMPbMore to come of Forehead Guy in a bit. As the meeting continues, we do have another potential Butt Alien sighting:

STTMPc

but also a random… Andorian???

STTMPd

Regardless, I do wonder what happened to the Federation Star Fleet colors? Red, Blue, Yellow? Where did they go?? That’s a real big deal to some people. And not to dog on my favorite franchise, but what’s up with these fucking uniforms??? Where they going for the Dagwood Bumstead look or something????

sttmpf

Oh well, I guess. So Kirk and the crew head off to confront the Giant Space Cloud thing and shit starts to get real and the Enterprise is rocking to and fro and WHAT????

STTMPe

Forehead Guy is on the bridge???????? He’s THAT fucking important????? OHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAWWWDDDDDD

Sheesh!

Well – there we have it. THANKS JB for working with me on this!!!! WHOOOOOP!!!!!!

Good stuff!!!!

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43 thoughts on “JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – The Motion Picture (1979)

  1. movierob says:

    hilarious guys.

    This isnt my favorite of the series, but the plot is good. It’s too bad they didnt cut all the long boring pans tho. I think if someone made a version without those shots, this would be even more enjoyable.

    Looking forward to reading all of these!

    BTW, forgive my ignorance but what do JB and The Chop really mean. Ive seen u guys using these pseudonyms for months and never understood (or is that the point?)

    Keep these comin guys!

    Like

  2. Madame Weebles says:

    Excellent reviews, my dear JB and Chop. This movie wasn’t great, but at least it has the benefit of not being the suckiest movie of the franchise. Although I’ll admit that when I saw this in the theater, at the ripe old age of 11, I was like YAAAYYYYYY! And then when we found out that V’Ger is actually VOYAGER, I was all WHOOA!! But I didn’t like Decker, I was all PFFFFFFFFFGLLLH about him.

    Also, I am currently wetting myself thinking about your review of Star Trek II, which of course was the best of the series.

    Hugs and other naughty things,
    Madame Weebles

    Like

    • theipc says:

      WEEBLES!!!!!!!

      Sorry to get to this comment so late – it had to be approved – I’m surprised you haven’t commented out here before – JB has an excellent site!!!

      Seeing your comment I’m all YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! and seeing you like this post has me all WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! and hearing you wet yourself is kind of HMMMMMMMMMMM but still a little YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY

      Oozy Love,

      The Chop

      Liked by 1 person

  3. table9mutant says:

    Nice reviews, you two! Um… Bloody hell… I think I ACTUALLY liked this one more than either of you did! :-/ lol. It felt like the TV series to me (in a good way). But looked better… Dunno. I quite liked it. 🙂 More than the next one in certain ways. Yes. It’s more “cinematic” than Wrath of Khan. More “me”. 🙂 But I see why Khan is more popular.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      Thank you lady! Whoa, I think you must have liked it more than us. Not a bad way to start the movies, and I have never watched the series, any of them, in any form whatsoever. The first time I watched The Wrath of Khan I absolutely hated it… we will have to see this week if my opinion changed! 🙂

      Like

  4. caragale says:

    Excellent job you two Trekkies!! Very cool idea here. I’ve never seen this one…But I have seen The Wrath of Khan!! Can’t wait to see what you do with that!! 😀

    #KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

    Like

  5. lukebbtt says:

    I think it’s best to watch this, as I did, right after the series. Because, sure it’s a long, boring piece at times, but to see the technological advances the movie has that the show doesn’t… it is just an excuse to get Star Trek back but with all the bells and whistles. Looking forward to cracking open Wraith of Khan. Will keep checking back to these reviews to compare notes as I do.

    Liked by 1 person

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