JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – First Contact (1996)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Alrighty then folks, another Friday, another review, we are moving along with these things! Let me just say that this has been an absolute blast, and you must all keep your eyes peeled for upcoming collaborations 😉 Anyway, we have moved on to our second Star Trek film for the Next Gen lot. So… did we share a collective conscious on this one?

star trek first contact movie poster2

SYNOPSIS: They call themselves the Borg – a half-organic, half-machine collective, with a sole purpose: to assimilate and conquer all races. Led by their seductive and sadistic queen, the Borg are headed to Earth with a devious plan to alter history. After an epic battle against the Borg, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise follow the Borg Sphere back into the 21st century, and must battle the Borg Queen before she assimilates mankind. Meanwhile, Picard and his crew must make sure that Zefram Cochrane makes his historic maiden flight at warp speed, and makes Earth’s first contact. – via IMDBjb star trek


So First Contact is (again) not my favourite in the Next Gen repertoire, but there were some cool things that could have been front and centre but then things just went all over the show and the point was lost. It all starts with this pretty cool sequence of Jean Luc Picard looking all scary and stuff as a Borg. Like super cool. Hopping back into the past, I  must say that the new crew did not succeed in doing so as much as the original crew did in The Voyage Home in terms of laughter and entertainment. However, First Contact did boast the stronger story, that cannot be denied.

star trek picard borg morestar trek picard borgstar trek first contract patrick stewart borg

There were some cool effects, and I was really wishing that I had seen more of the series for the Borg section to resonate with me more, though I didn’t actually have trouble following it. As you can tell from the gifs that I have used and the ones you will see, I was more taken with the Borg aspect of this than whatever the hell was going on down on Earth. I thought that was a bland storyline, and as much as I enjoy James Cromwell, I thought this role was cringeworthy for him.

star trek first contact borg

Data did not work on my absolute last nerve in this one, so yay on that front (sorry Data fans – it has been established that he’s like a knock off Spock – in the movies, at any rate). He was actually quite cool for this story, and fit right in there. However, there was one pretty sketchy scene – I did not want to know that Data had the relevant working sexual component and that he had used it in the past. Dammit. I could have done without that nasty knowledge.

star trek first contact data

Those Borg were creepy at the best of times, I thought they looked awesome. They were like crazy weird space zombies *shiver*. I mean just imagine that. Yes, yes I am fascinated with this concept, no two ways about it!

star trek first contact borgsstar trek first contact borg

There were some really cool scenes in here, and I was a fan of them walking all over the Enterprise to mess with the Borg plan and all that, I had fun there. I must say, there were plenty little things that made First Contact way more enjoyable and fun, I just really feel that the Earth aspect was pointless, and the movie would not have suffered for it not being there. Actually, in my opinion, they could almost have written a tighter story for the Borg plan as well as the Enterprise crew’s resistance. But no. Let’s have some dancing alcoholic be the sub plot. Thanks. So much potential.

star trek first contact blowing stuff up

Then let’s not forget my absolute favourite bit of the movie: Picard being all super badass as a thirties-style mobster. I loved the concept, the costumes, and the way the whole scene came together. Hell yeah, it was pretty epic!

patrick stewart machine gun gif2

Anyway, the story was very good (granted that the whole Earth thing was pretty boring for me), and the acting wasn’t too bad. I thoroughly enjoyed the Borg aspect to this (though I am sure that you all noted that throughout my little write up here), and the movie touted some pretty decent effects. I thought the war up on the Enterprise was great, and seeing Picard get all pissy was great, the fights and the lessons he learned. I was so on board with that. Until it went back to Cromwell, who sadly just let me down. Nope, not happy with that bit. Overall, I thought this one came together quite well and I think it’s totally worth watching.

the chop

When I first went and saw this in the theater – I remember coming out of there thinking “GOD DAMN!!! That was a good movie!!” And then I never watched it again. Maybe a little bit here and there but, I just never returned to it. Probably because TNG isn’t my favorite crew. Although I really do like Captain Picard! Frakes and Spiner just grate my last fucking nerve. And this had a lot of Frakes in it. Oh – and Data having sex. Well – not on screen. There’s no machine on machine humping but it’s implied that he gets it on with the Borg Queen. Go, Robot Weenie, GO!!!!

Anyways, I watched this again yesterday and I have to say – well – let’s do this – for ALL of the shit that happens up in space, I give this Five Happy Picards (out of five):



He’s fucking awesome up there! Yelling and shouting and telling Whorf to “GET OFF MY BRIDGE!” and I loved it that he took it on himself to go find a way to remodulate the weapons and “HAND TO HAND COMBAT IF THEY MUST!!!!” and “THE LINE HAS TO BE DRAWN HERE!!!” He was a total badass!

But then, I have to address everything that happens down on Earth. I found all of that shit VERY lame and I give it Two Unamused Picards (out of Five):



I mean, shit! James Cromwell irritated the fuck out of me and  the dancing and will Frakes EVER shut the fuck up and what’s with that stupid hat on Cronwell’s head didn’t The Borg send some Borgs down to the planet where are they and did that Vulcan really drink his rot gut tequila and ugh. Overall – I did enjoy myself but it’s not as good as I remember.

And – because I can:

ANGRYJLPP.S. The Borg Queen is sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy. I would totally – well never mind.

38 thoughts on “JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – First Contact (1996)

    1. LOL! Good question. I might need to haul out a magnifying glass to double check! 😛

      You have been away WAY too long. Well, once upon a time on Twitter Eric said something silly that ended with me calling him a chop. He asked what the hell that was and I told him in South Africa it is used to denote someone being an idiot, though I called him that affectionately. It stuck.

      Once upon another time on Twitter, everyone was going on about the new Godzilla trailer (at the time) and I said Godzilla (1998) was the first movie I had seen in cinema as a kid. This resulted in the freakout that I was, in actual fact, jailbait. JB then stuck, naturally.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha! You use a magnifying glass on any man and they’ll take offence straight away 😉

        Aah! Got it now. So it’s Jailbait and the idiot really? JB & the Chop has a better ring to it, of course! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Bwahahahaha! I could only just imagine the horror of it 🙂

        That’s pretty much what the essence of it is. But yes… we like to dress it up a little 😛

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Teehee, nope, was one of the characters in the show. Had a penchant for calling the Winchester’s “Idjits”.

        Usually with more vehemence than this, but it’s what I could find.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. This is clearly the best TNG movie, even though it doesn’t feature Tom Hardy in it (I know that’s why u love Namesis) 🙂

    I agree that the Earth portions were weaker and sorta created a BTTF kinda parodox never fully explained

    Once again, great job u 2.

    love reading these!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, must say this this was better. Lol, as much as I love Tom Hardy and all… hmmmm… not so sure about his flick hahaha.

      You know?!

      Thank you, glad to hear you’re enjoying them!


  2. Z – The character of Data should never be uttered in the same sentence with sex… ick. And yes Picard as a mobster, that is pretty bad ass. haha
    IPC – Oh my is that really Picard?! LOL… If so you were right he gives good thigh.

    Liked by 1 person

Be bold, share your two cents!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.