TOP TEN THINGS I THINK LUKE ABBOTT DOES WHEN HE GETS OFF WORK

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and feel like something’s just wrong? Do you feel like someone is under the bed or hiding behind your morning robe that’s hanging on the wall next to your dresser?? Do you feel the cold stare of dead eyes wanting to defile your warm body under the sheets?? I rarely get solid sleep so I know these feelings and I know who’s causing them. I know he’s there, waiting, watching, wanting. Today I present to you, Good Readers: The Top Ten Things I Think Luke Abbott Does When He Gets Off Work:

10. PREYS ON THE WEAK AND THE ELDERLY

LUKA1

9. GIVES HIMSELF A GOLDEN SHOWER

LUKA2

8. USES PUBLIC ACCESS TV TO FURIOUSLY DEBATE THE RIGHTS OF GHOSTS AND SPECTERS

luka3

7. PLUCKS ALL OF THE PUBIC HAIRS OFF OF HIS SKIN AND SECRETLY MAILS THEM TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND

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6. THROWS POTATOES AT THE IRISH.

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5. PROWLS ANY PARTICULAR ENGLISH VILLAGE, STEALING WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR SO HE CAN WASH AND RETURN THEM.

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4. WATCHES BILLY ZANE MOVIES.

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3. PUTS A PICTURE OF TILDA SWINTON ON HIS MIRROR AND FANTASIZES THAT HE IS HER.

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2. MAKES RANDOM TELEPHONE CALLS AND RECITES NURSERY RHYMES WHILE HE BEATS HIS MEAT.

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1. DREAMS OF CUDDLING AND SPOONING THE IPC.

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30 thoughts on “TOP TEN THINGS I THINK LUKE ABBOTT DOES WHEN HE GETS OFF WORK

  1. Smash says:

    These pictures are spectacular! I think my favourite is the one of Luke beating his meat on the telephone. He just looks so happy. And that one lone curly hair amidst all the other straight hairs on top of his head… haha.

    Liked by 3 people

    • theipc says:

      Oh he is – he’s just too shy to come out here and say it…. as to that girl – I paid her a lot of money to pose for that shot but we kept it very professional….

      Like

  2. V says:

    Luke threw a potato at me once. But I was so honoured that I kept it and took it home to Dublin and I watch mooovies with it on my sofa. He’s called Tayto-Luke and he enjoys the lilting musical stylings of The Corrs.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. caragale says:

    Looooollllll. Omigosh, You two are the craziest. I really want to get you in a room together and just see what happens. You know, as long as it didn’t involve that spooning… 😉 Also, I cracked up way too much at “Go back to Dublin, you snake eating devils.” So. Funny.

    Liked by 1 person

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