JB & The Chop Do: Saw VI (2009)

JB AND THE CHOP PRESENT SAW

Since JB and I are always about honesty and integrity, I’ll be honest and say that, despite my enduring and lifelong contracted love for JB, I’m getting tired of these movies and don’t really see how they have endured so long and made so much money. It’s the same fucking story EVERY time. Opening grossness, weave some new characters into the background of Jigsaw’s life,  burn them, chop them, emulsify them, super fucking twisty flashbacks that try and tie everything together, end. Sigh. At least this is THE FINAL CHAPTER, right!!! Right??? No – CRY CRY CRY

saw 6 poster

SYNOPSIS: Agent Strahm is dead, and FBI agent Erickson draws nearer to Hoffman. Meanwhile, a pair of insurance executives find themselves in another game set by jigsaw. – via IMDB

chop saw

Like I said in the opening, I’m getting tired of these things BUT, one thing I have always liked about them are the sexy nurse posters they put out each year for Halloween Blood Drives. Harrumph harrumph!

saw6a

So what’s going on in here? To be honest again, I watched this over a month ago. Before I went to New Jersey and before I went to Jamaica. I remember the opening act was fucking disgusting and this chicks chops her own arm off to save her life while another person dies gruesomely.

saw6b

Then we are introduced to some pitiful Insurance Company Executive who reminded me of the second Darrin on Bewitched:

saw6c

He fucks Jigsaw out  of insurance money for his incurable brain cancer so Jigsaw decides to murder EVERYONE. I still didn’t and don’t understand where Jigsaw got all of the money, time, peace and quiet and parts to make all of these elaborate death traps but OK. Didn’t it turn out that he owned the meat packing plant where most of this shit takes place? It doesn’t seem like it was truly successful considering how shitty the state of everything was…. it looks like the place has been abandoned for 60 years.

saw6d

I can’t remember if it was Jigsaw himself or one of his many helpers but somehow they kidnap EVERY member of the Insurance team and place them in traps around the joint. Darrin 2 can either let them die or kill himself so he doesn’t really try very hard to save them.

saw6e

Elsewhere, Jigsaw’s busty widow is running around town carrying out his last wishes.  Wishes he recorded on a videotape before he dies knowing that two million different decisions would have to happen EXACTLY the way he planned them to get to this point. Jigsaw’s widow (the one in the dress):

saw6f

I don’t know – I guess this just didn’t do much for me. At least with the Amityville movies – as awful as they were, at least the plot was different each time. As pitiful as they were, at least it was something different the next go around. I wonder what’s going to happen in the next one? Something new?????? I doubt it. The only thing I remember about number seven is that the commercial showcased some guy in overalls. There’s nothing I hate more than overalls.

saw6g

jb saw

You just know shit is bad when the big celebration point when every film starts is noting the run time.

Goddammit, the opening for this one is really fucking gross! I mean, not that any of them have been particularly savoury or anything like that, but this is just… why?!

saw vi opening

Recipe? Naturally. Nothing really changes. Shall we count the ways…?

  • Gory opening? Check.
  • Billy the puppet? Check.
  • Inundating the viewer with gruesomeness? Check.
  • Flashbacks? Check. Check. Check.
  • Past characters? Check.
  • Overly complicating the narrative with insane, unbelievable history? Check.
  • Jigsaw “teaching lessons” and “rehabilitating” people? Check.
  • Plot twist? Check.

saw vi

Well, you just knew there was going to be some major payback in this one the moment a health company was revealed – sharks, man, and this movie was really heavy handed with hammering that point home.

Losing Strahm sucked, he was a solid character and Patterson was really good. I was real peeved that his colleagues could think it was him. I mean this was out of the blue, and I am glad Perez reviewed the charges thing, and got Erickson on board, it would be too easy for Hoffman to get away with all that shit.

What the fuck kind of dysfunctional marriage did you have if you lose your baby, your husband goes cuckoo and leaves you and starts playing life and death games with people, and after all of that shit, you still get involved with his plans? Bitch, are you cray?

this bitch cray

Man, I thought the movies had moved on from being overly noisy. Evidently I was wrong. Also, more flashbacks than you can shake a stick at here, which is utter madness. These movies are super formulaic, no two ways about that. This one has victims facing off against each other and leaving their fate up to another man, such madness on the loop. It would take something extraordinary from this series to shock me, if I am being serious. It’s all just so nasty and grotesque and gory and trying to be so much smarter than it is. Oh, well. Who the hell knew that one tiny-ass budget film from back in the day was going to spawn all of this afterwards? Wan and Whannell sure as shit had no clue.

On a totally unrelated note, something that has been bugging me for the last few movies is that Detective Hoffman has a mouth like a fucking pouty fish. Plus they were downright glossy in this movie!

fish lips poutCostas-Mandylor-hoffman pout

Not seeing a major difference…

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “JB & The Chop Do: Saw VI (2009)

Be bold. Chat with us!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s