“There she is boys, Mandy Lane. Untouched, pure. Since the dawn of junior year men have tried to possess her, and to date all have failed. Some have even died in their reckless pursuit of this angel.”
This weekend seemed doomed to be a bad movie weekend… maybe that is why I ended up watching more series than anything. Damn.
All The Boys Love Mandy Lane tells us the story of Mandy Lane (Amber Heard), a high school girl who got really hot over the summer vacation, and is rapidly moving up the high school food chain because of it. She and her best friend, Emmet (Michael Welsch), attend a party that she is invited to. She is shy, sitting aside, and Emmet gets into an argument with the host, Dylan (Adam Powell). They end up on the roof. Emmet taunts Dylan, telling him he will never score with Mandy, there are too many guys, and he is just like the rest. In an attempt to set himself apart from the rest, Dylan wants to jump from the roof into the pool. He has done it a million times before, but not when he has been drinking. Emmet convinces Dylan, and he jumps, cracking his skull open on the pool ledge and dying. Emmet bears the brunt of Dylan’s death.
Mandy and Emmet drift apart, and he becomes the spurned ex-best friend, and Mandy has a new group of friends that emerge, of cheerleaders, fakers, jocks and stoners. Red (Aaron Himmelstein) is planning a weekend getaway at his family ranch, and really wants Mandy to come. He employs the help of Chloe (Whitney Able), who manages to convince Mandy to ask her aunt if she can come with. Bird (Edwin Hodge), Jake (Luke Grimes) and Red all have it out to see who is going to score with Mandy first, and they all lay their moves on thick. It is evident that Mandy is not interested in any of them, and Chloe and Marlin (Melissa Prince) are reasonably jealous by the open coveting going on for Mandy Lane.
At the ranch, they are met by Garth (Anson Mount). He is the ranch hand, and also ex-military. He takes the teens up to the house, and he, too, is reeled in by Mandy’s extraordinary beauty and innocence. The kids party up hard, drinking stolen beer, hard liquor and smoking tons of dope. They go swimming in the lake and exploring the ranch, and progressively get more wasted. Mandy does not join in on all their celebratory activities, but does drink a little with them. However, as the night progresses, things start happening, and they start dying off one by one. It seems Emmet is on a payback mission, and intent on eliminating all those that stand between him and Mandy. Garth tries to unsuccessfully protect all of them, but wants to save Mandy at the very least. Being ex-military, he may be their only shot.
I give All The Boys Love Mandy Lane a 5.5/10. The movie didn’t go anywhere fast, and the premise was a little weak. There was zero character development, and most of the movie was dedicated to watching a bunch of teens getting drunk, high and overly touchy with one another. Typical teen movie. The horror was not terrifying, and I was not once really drawn into anything in the movie. Nothing original, nothing new. The end didn’t even come out of nowhere and kick me in the teeth. Everyone was far too calm, and too stoned, and too wasted and too slow. Things could really have been put together far better than they were. The movie is alright to put on if you have nothing else, or to have on in the background, but not really a traditional horror, or even slasher for that matter. Overall, a rather weak and flaky movie. I got a trailer, but excuse the quality of the preview, it seems to be the clearest one that I could find.