Jeez – just look at that poster… I like how the knives from the glove are as big as that girl’s back. Also – what’s with the bird? I don’t remember anything about a bird. Did I miss something?? Is that a can of shaving cream? Is he going to shave her back with those knives?? HMMMMMMMMMMM – this movie was pretty good – not quite as good as the first but it did have some good looking special effects. And Clu Gulager. I don’t think you can ever go wrong with a little Clu Gulager sprinkled in your movie. But, I am curious – how is this “Freddy’s Revenge”? Isn’t that his whole M.O.? Getting “revenge” for getting burned alive before the first movie?? Curious…. Anyway – let’s see what the wonderful JB has in store for us!
SYNOPSIS: A new family moves into the house on Elm Street, and before long, the kids are again having nightmares about deceased child murderer Freddy Krueger. This time, Freddy attempts to possess a teenage boy to cause havoc in the real world, and can only be overcome if the boy’s sweetheart can master her fear. – via IMDB
When I watched the first one again after so many years, I kind of liked it so I was looking forward to this. After the sketchy opening act where Robert Englund is a school bus driver who drives three people into what I can only guess is Hell (O _ o) (I thought Freddy was a child murderer?? Now he’s connected to Hell???) we see this teen of unknown name waking screaming from his nightmare, covered in sweat (or piss) who gets out of bed and adjusts his considerable junk (or puts a tennis ball in his underwear for the scene in question). I mean, nice sack, high school student! You’ve been taking your vitamins, I see.
#nightmareonelmstreetunderpants
Soon after that our new title character heads off to high school in his old beater convertible, macks on a relatively cute chick (at the bottom of my section here) and heads out for baseball practice. I did note that at this high school they have at least three extra curricular programs: baseball, cheerleading and archery!! (which is not included in this clip). Anyway, whatshisface is making eyes at his cheerleader girlfriend, probably thinking about flopping his mighty balls against her nether regions when he gets popped in the head with a line drive. The head above his shoulders, that is. Soon, he and the dude from Weird Science are exchanging words and Weird Science guy yanks down his sweats and they have a bare-ass wrestle out by second base. Suggestive Male Genitalia or Buttocks Count: 2
Later – or the next day or something, he wants to go out with his comely girlfriend but his mom makes him go unpack his shit so he pops on a shitty hat, some shitty sunglasses, cranks up his record player and does some boogie woogieing all night long. Well, maybe not all night long but at least for the duration of the song which I think, looking at the soundtrack, is called “Touch Me (All Night Long)” because when his girlfriend shows up unannounced and busts into his room with his mom, he seems to be playing with himself *or something. AWKWARD!!!! Suggestive Male Genitalia or Buttocks Count: 3
As we continue doing what we do, Fred Krueger possesses our young, endowed teen male and sends him to the local gay bar to find the high school baseball coach for a reason I can’t remember. There, the teenager is served beer without an I.D. and runs across his, apparently, homosexual baseball coach – dress in chains and a leather vest who takes him back to the high school to take a shower. While he’s showering, the coach is stripped and chained to a shower head where…… get this….. seriously…. he gets spanked to death. Actually – I’m not 100% positive that he gets SPANKED to death, but he gets some spankings, chapping his ass raw and eventually dies. It’s been a little bit since I’ve seen this and, after watching five of these in a row, some of the kills get silly and a little forgetful. Suggestive Male Genitalia or Buttocks Count: 4
Eventually our man makes it to his girlfriend’s pool party and, after doing some moping as all teenagers do, they start to Make It in the poolside cabana. So, while he is pleasuring our lady’s cleavage and she’s enjoying some tongue originated ecstasy, this happens:
Being a guy who doesn’t like to use spell check as a matter of principal, I really don’t want to admit how many times it took me to spell tongue correctly the first time… Anyway, after this display of man and woman affection, our lead runs away crying and goes to the dude from Weird Science’s house and ask if he can sleep with him. Not necessarily to DO It with him Sleep With Him but asks if he can go to sleep in Weird Science’s chair and Weird Science will watch him sleep. o _ O MMMKay. Then this happens:
All in all this movie was kind of silly but I actually enjoyed it. Having seen six of these things now, I can tell you, Good Reader, that this is a BILLION times better than Freddy’s Dead. I don’t even think anyone fucking tried with Freddy’s Dead. It was almost like the people involved didn’t WANT to make that installment. I mean, a guy almost get’s killed by a fucking road map, of all things. And Tom Arnold and Rosanne are in it, back when they were both highly overweight and married. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK that shit.
But yeah – this one was good clean fun.
Alrighty, Freddy’s Revenge. huh. Well, who knew. We are introduced to a relatively cute 80s kid who screams like a little bitch, but when Freddy’s after you, I suppose one can be forgiven for that. Anyway, the whole toot here is that Jesse has the body, and Freddy has the brains, and he wants Jesse’s beef, and is willing to do anything for it.
Considering what a strong and bold start the predecessor was, Freddy’s Revenge doesn’t quite stack up. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty cool scenes, and the concept was different, it was more original than many of the movies that follow. It just doesn’t stick with you as long after the fact as the first. It’s still more solid than some of the later films, and is overall a decent ride.
It explored a little more of a darker nature, what with a kid confused about his sexuality (I took that from the film), and a seriously sketchy gym teacher (because really… sweaty young, naked men and leather bars). There was a really dodgy scene (and I should have thought this through before I told the Chop that I liked the scene) – the shower scene. Yes, there was some sketchy S&M stuff initially, but what I liked was Freddy pitching and all that coming apart at the seams to show Jesse his claws and the blood and his terror and femme scream about where he was in the whole scenario.
It delved into some cheese later, when Freddy pitched up at a pool party, but takes a darker turn after that. I really enjoyed Mark Patton in here – he carried the role pretty well. Robert Englund, of course, was fantastic as the striped sweater claw master, and I think he is the best Freddy Krueger we will ever have. Freddy’s Revenge didn’t veer off into a lot of one liners and the comedic streak the Nightmare on Elm Street film eventually turned to, which is something that counts for it.
Freddy’s Revenge is also not a long film, so it’s a quick watch in between things that has some great moments, as well as some terrible ones. A lot of people have some severe issues with this film, but I don’t really think this film is as awful as people paint it to be, though it is certainly not its predecessor.
The Sporadic Chronicles 