Rapid Review: Final Destination 5 (2011)

“You were supposed to die on that bridge. You’re not supposed to be here. You shorted death. So you let death have somebody else in your place, and you take their spot in the realm of the living. All the days and years that they have yet to live. And they take your place in death. Then the books are balanced.”
– William Bludworth

SYNOPSIS: Survivors of a suspension-bridge collapse learn there’s no way you can cheat Death. – via IMDB

This was the only film in the franchise I had not seen up until the gory marathon I had recently, so I didn’t really know what to expect. While much better than the last hunk of junk in this franchise, there is still a lot wrong with this one. But, it really is am improvement, forgettable at the end of it all, but better. It returns back to the fun aspect, and manages to weave some silly romance through it, too. At least it didn’t linger on this too long, but it did for long enough to get a bit annoying at times. The acting is a massive improvement over the last film, that’s for sure, and it looked better, though the effects are still not great, and still trying to hard to sell that 3D thing (check the gif above). I did enjoy the bridge collapse at the beginning, while heavily edited and not as good as the plane crash or the highway pileup, it is relatively impressive and gory, and such weird deaths, too. The movie follows the same formula as all the other movies before it, coming in with someone foretelling a crazy accident, warning others, saving some, and then the survivors start dying, and then everyone is trying to find a way to cheat Death again. It works. It’s just been done a million times, so it starts getting annoying. Bludworth is such a consistent character, and I like how he is always being brought back. Final Destination 5 finds yet another potential way for the victims to fight Death and attempt to win their lives back, but it is not something that is a light decision to make for a simple solution. What I really did enjoy about this movie is how it successfully tied the entire franchise together neatly and cleanly, and did not feel like some rushed cop out, or some cheesy way to make a buck. It came full circle and handled that much better than most movie franchises, so I would like to give credit where it is due. Yeah, I don’t really have much more to say on this, so I think that will be it. Final Destination 5 is an alright watch and a decent entry into this series, that was doing mostly fine until The Final Destination came into play, but managed to close on a stronger note. These movies are worth checking out at some stage, and make awesome movie night material with friends/other halves, because there is just to much to rip off, have fun with, and laugh at. Definitely a return to form, and one I did not see coming.

As for the poll results of last week, we have the movies of this franchise ranked as follows:

1. Final Destination (2000) – it would seem the original reigns supreme
2. Final Destination 2 (2003)
3. Final Destination 5 (2011)
4. Final Destination 3 (2006)
5. The Final Destination (2009)

So it would seem that last week’s pile of crap film is the least liked. Thanks for those who dropped by to vote!

Rapid Review: Final Destination 2 (2003)

“Some people say there’s a balance to everything. For every life, there’s a death, for every death, there is a life. But the introduction of life that was not meant to be, that can invalidate the list, force Death to start anew. You have to follow the signs… Kimberly.”
– William Bludworth

SYNOPSIS: When Kimberly has a violent premonition of a highway pileup she blocks the freeway, keeping a few others meant to die, safe…Or are they? The survivors mysteriously start dying and it’s up to Kimberly to stop it before she’s next. – via IMDB

So, here we are. Final Destination could have been a standalone film, but studios decided it would be best to create this huge franchise from it, and here we have the next installment. Definitely still one of the better sequels to watch, and it was pretty cool to see AJ Cook outside of Criminal Minds, though I love her there. The story is a little shakier in getting started as opposed to its predecessor, but it gets into the swing of things quick enough with plenty gore and blood to fittingly accompany the film. The film was never really going to showcase any deep, in depth characters, but it tried some clumsy attempts to get there. Too many annoying people, and the same “this is BS” argument is getting really old. Bringing Clear back was also something that worked in favour of the film, as it gave us a link to the first one, a character we knew and could root for, who gave the movie the edge because she’d beat the game before, even though it had cost her dearly, and she lives in a padded cell. Incidentally, this gives rise to a whole slew of other questions I just don’t even know how to answer – firstly, electronics in a padded room = fire, secondly, why no food poisoning? Death on vacation? You get the gist of it. Anyway, there are some pretty inventive deaths scattered throughout here to feed our bloodlust, and the story takes a new spin on how to fool and escape Death, so at least they were still pushing for originality. The effects and CGI are, again, a little sketchy, but it’s alright, sort of a trademark for these movies. I think these movies are really fun for a movie night with friends – popcorn, gore, spans to laugh at.

Review: Alien³ (1992)

“You’ve been in my life so long, I can’t remember anything else.”
– Ellen Ripley

SYNOPSIS: Ripley continues to be stalked by a savage alien, after her escape pod crashes on a prison planet. – via IMDB

The one iconic moment from the movie:

Instead, this is what we dealt with the entire time

What the hell happened here?! And to have Fincher’s name attached to it? Oh the shocking horror, the shame! Alien³ is terrible. Let’s not beat around the bush. But then, even Fincher hates it, and all the production woes and strong-arming is evident every second of the way through this. Even the presence of Weaver, Dance and company could not save it. Oh no, this was deeply flawed from the off.

I think the biggest offender here is the CGI/effects. It is unacceptable and cringe-worthy. It is some of the worst I have ever laid eyes on. In fact, it was equal in ways for me as the CG used in The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (remember that, Shitfest Social watchers?!). Wow. It is unforgivable. Alright, I understand that the xenomorph itself is a puppet, but the editing to get the limbs and shadows and all that right just makes it look so ridiculous. So not only are we watching some limp story, but the xenomorph isn’t even scary. From time to time we get to see a quick glimpse of it as a costume and not some silly computer generated kitty cat/dog/what the fuck ever that was, and it is way better then.

Let’s not even talk about the fact that within the first few minutes, this movie completely kills off what happened in Aliens – not the events, but the escape. I get that it is to move the story along and all that, but come on guys! Kick in the teeth right there. Then there was the thing with Ripley and Dance’s Clemens. I could deal with a romance aspect being tossed in (I was quite keen on Hicks and Ripley), but I was not keen on how it was rushed from meeting, to immediately asking about a mutual interest, to taking that mutual interest to bed. It happened so fast, and it felt forced. Not because they didn’t work well together, because they did, it was just how it was handled – clunky and clumsy all the way.

The cast did the best that they could with the material that they were given, and I did enjoy the performances for this film as they are worth noting. I hated the aspect of Ripley being a temptation to the men there in the prison, like it would be her fault if she got raped or hurt because, hey, these religious dudes are all good and well until a woman forces them to lose their shit. I was so not a fan of that insinuation at all.

Back to the xenomorph, my other half and I are of the firm opinion that it looks like the xenomorph is humping its prey when it gets to them… every single time. I don’t even want to go there. I appreciate that the xenomorph of this film was trying to be something else, but it wasn’t scary like the others, and I think a large part of that was due to the fact that the alien just wasn’t really that bright. Oh well.

Overall, Alien³ is just a bust all round: bad effects, some truly stilted dialogue and a flimsy story with a xenomorph that is lacking, despite the solid performances all round, this movie could not be saved.

Sporadic Scene: Supernatural (Season 5×21) – Oh Death

I freaking love Supernatural, up until season five, that is. When the show starting introducing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, I was totally sold. They had managed to update the Apocalypse to something modern people would understand, and it was done cleverly. However, the one Horseman I was at the edge of my seat to meet was, naturally, Death. I just knew Death was going to be hardcore and brutal and awesome, and let me tell you that I was not mistaken in my hopes and dreams, not even a little bit. Jen Titus’s Oh Death was used to introduce us to Death, and there was no song that could have been more fitting, and the way the scene was shot? I still get goosebumps.

If you have a scene that you would like featured, drop me a mail at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com with a picture/gif/video of the scene and an explanation as to why (should you want to include it).