Rapid Review: Jurassic World (2015)

“Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn’t ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.”
– Henry Wu

SYNOPSIS: Jurassic World has been running with great success for more than a decade in the wake of the disaster that haunted the island 22 years ago. The park’s geneticists have once again broken scientific and ethical boundaries in order to raise attendance for the park, now experiencing a decline in happy customers. Convinced that the new attraction will bring in many more people, but having crossed the line once again, the results may be devastating. – via IMDB

Owen being all badass:

This scene made me crack up immensely, even though it was adorable (I mean just look at that cuddle hug):

Could she find it in herself to please be more enthusiastic next time?!

Well, I had a reasonable amount of fun with this movie – flawed as it is and all. I missed it in theatre, and even when watching it now I don’t feel that I missed out or anything like that. Chris Pratt was, again, in fine form and really good in his role, it seems he is finding a niche for himself and that is really cool because he is very entertaining to watch. He was so badass here and I thoroughly enjoyed his cahracter. I thought the Indominus Rex was a bit of a let down, I expected something insane, and that is all that we got. I liked seeing Nick Robinson again, though he will forever be the kid that called the cops on his dad over a Monopoly game to me. The supporting cast was, overall, very good, and they all delivered quite well, even in limited roles. Bryce Dallas Howard managed to not grate on my last nerve in this, though someone really needs to speak to her makeup artist – that blush/contouring made her look like she had been punched in the beginning! Also, let’s speak about the heels. I know everyone from  here to Timbuktu has discussed it, but can someone please tell me what shoes those were?! I totally need a pair for my wedding – apparently comfortable enough to wear for at least twelve hours, are perfectly suited for running (not that one can’t run in heels, I just don’t think it would be comfortable long term), and don’t sink away in grass, mud, or any other soft surface. Now see, that’s not a deal breaker for me and I had quite a bit of fun with it overall (even though I know some people totally lost their minds about it) and I mean come on, Bryce Dallas Howard even went for training to ensure she could run in these heels for the duration of the movie! Anyway, the movie is quite fun for popcorn entertainment, and as long as you don’t take it too seriously you should be alright (like really, some of the things that happened in there will make you cringe). When we got to the final “boss” fight – it was totally predictable. My other half had been waiting for that T-Rex pretty much from the off, but SPOILER: WTF was up with the whole epic fight going down, Raptor and T-Rex up against this hybrid, whoop, and then all of a sudden -BAM!- and it gets scarfed by the Mosasaurus. What the hell was up with that?! We were having fun! Not to mention that the T-Rex and the Raptor have their moment of understanding before parting ways. Wut?! The score was good, and I thoroughly enjoyed the throwbacks and Easter eggs that could be found throughout the movie. Something that I didn’t like was the whole military spin. Not saying it couldn’t have worked, it could have if they had just written it in better. Right now it just feels like this “ooooh, this could be cool” afterthought that was squashed in to contribute another aspect to potentially create a meatier story, which it ultimately failed at. The story, overall, was absolutely nothing new and there was never any serious suspense, either. There were too many flaws and holes: just think of what suddenly happened to all those dreaded flying dinos that just suddenly went MIA, for instance, or the worst helicopter gunner in history or why the Mosasaurus never chomped on any front row watchers at the shark bite show (even though I understand the I-Rex broke the fence that kept it in – really, that was the only defense?!), just to name a few. Jurassic World succeeds at being a fun, light, popcorn perfect film that’s great to watch with friends.

Rapid Review: Jurassic Park III (2001)

“With the best intentions? Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions.”
– Dr Alan Grant

SYNOPSIS: Adventure runs wild when renowned paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant agrees to accompany a wealthy adventurer and his wife on an aerial tour of Isla Sorna, InGen’s former breeding ground for prehistoric creatures. But when they’re terrifyingly stranded, Dr. Grant discovers that his hosts are not what they seem, and the island’s native inhabitants are smarter, faster, fiercer and more brutal than he ever imagined. – via IMDB

Alrighty, and we are back! I must admit, that when I was a kid I went and saw this, I was not a fan when I left the cinema. Maybe it is because I watched the crap out of Jurassic Park because there was a VHS available, unlike The Lost World. However, rewatching this recently, I much preferred this one to the last one. It just worked better. I was so happy to have Sam Neill’s Alan Grant back – as fun as Ian Malcolm can be (and Golblum played him wonderfully), he certainly needs a character like Alan to level him out. Well, here we were, with the serious, grouchy, awesome Alan Grant, and he is thrust back into the world of dinosaurs and it is so not what he needs. Ellie is in for just a tad, and then she is gone, which is a pity because she was very cool. The spinosaurus was also pretty badass and a refreshing change from what we have seen. The one scene that showed a proper creepy moment for the spinosaurus is when the family is, of course, reunited, and you hear that satellite phone ringing, and when Alan and Eric turn around, the spinosaurus is just watching them, sizing them up. I think the dinosaurs looked pretty good, and I could even deal with the flawed logic (again!!) that presents itself throughout the movie because we are on an adventure. Maybe not the best, but an adventure nonetheless. Some of the humour was exceptionally juvenile, which I was not a fan of. The story is also pretty unimaginative and mostly bland, but still better than the last. I also really liked how this was more like the first movie in the sense of a smaller group of people on an island, out to survive. That isolation was something I missed so much in the last movie. Something that grated on me was Téa Leoni’s Amanda. I just wanted to slap her silly the whole time. She was hysterical and annoying. I really am not a fan of the way that Jurassic Park has a strong female lead, and then all the other female leads thereafter have to be these excessively whiny, silly women. It’s offensive. For serial. While not a perfect movie by a long shot, I feel that Jurassic Park III endures far more hate than is necessary. 

Rapid Review: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

“Okay, so there is another island of dinosaurs, no fences this time and you wanna send people in, very few people, on the ground? Right?”
– Dr Ian Malcolm

SYNOPSIS: With the apparent public discovery of the ‘Site B’ production island full of dinosaurs, John Hammond assembles a team to visit and document the area before it is exploited by others. Included in the four man team are Dr. Ian Malcolm and his girlfriend, Dr. Sarah Harding. When the team reaches the island, they soon discover the presence of another group of people. This new group however are not there for biological data but instead have something more sinister in mind. After a series of events, both groups become stranded when all their communication equipment is lost. It is then that the terror really begins as both groups scramble for their lives. – via IMDB

Yes, I am aware I might catch some flak for this (but maybe not too much). Now, naturally when Jurassic Park is your predecessor, you have quite the big achievement to top. It is little wonder that, no matter how fun The Lost World is, it never hits the heights of the last one. Not that it is bad, it just cannot rival it. Anyway, to visit a new concept of an island with dinosaurs roaming freely was, of course, going to be a lot of fun. Pair that with the fact that you are bringing back the snarky Ian Malcolm, and you should have a winning recipe. You should, except that you threw in Julianne Moore’s Sarah Harding. A lot went downhill from there. What a bloody nuisance. There is no other way to look at her character at all. I mean, this is saying something because I really, really like Julianne Moore, but she worked on my nerves here. Goodness, she was silly and daft and just… no. Why?! Just, why?! A young Vince Vaughn was also entertaining, but despite all these things and a decent cast, things did not come together as well as one would hope. The movie feels like it never found its footing. Naturally a kid had to be dragged in here somewhere so that every kid in the world watching this had someone to identify with, which was great back in the day. However, now I am older and more grown up, and want to know exactly how the T-Rexes were convinced that they should just be patient, get baby, then strike back and toss them off the cliff? Not to mention (and I really, really need to know about this one) you have dinosaurs on Isla Sorna. They live there. They stay there. They won’t move. But you have flying species there, too, and no way to contain them on the island? How does this even make sense? It got a little out of  hand in places. Also, that ending felt very Man of Steel – it felt like it was over, setup for a new movie, but wait! There’s more! The T-Rex is taking the city! Oh well. Not the worst movie in the world but definitely not a highlight of Spielberg’s.

Rapid Review: Jurassic Park (1993)

“Yeah, yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
– Dr Ian Malcolm

SYNOPSIS: Huge advancements in scientific technology have enabled a mogul to create an island full of living dinosaurs. John Hammond has invited four individuals, along with his two grandchildren, to join him at Jurassic Park. But will everything go according to plan? A park employee attempts to steal dinosaur embryos, critical security systems are shut down and it now becomes a race for survival with dinosaurs roaming freely over the island. – via IMDB

Ah, the joy, the love, this movie! I know you are all fans. Why? Because Jurassic Park. Do I need to elaborate? This was the things that dreams were made of as a kid. A dinosaur park? Count me in! Even if the T-Rex was on a munch mission, I still wanted to see it then, and I would still like to see it now, though I honestly don’t think I will be getting out of any vehicle, anywhere, and I won’t be travelling in something that is anything short of a tank. Why? That T-Rex. And anything that big. Any meatosaurus. I am not sticking around for that for longer than needs be. The raptors were also scary as hell, definitely dinosaurs to be afraid of to the nth degree. They are just too damn smart. Anyway, Jurassic Park is a right adventure, even with the kids all over the show. I thoroughly enjoyed Sam Neill here, his Alan Grant was just way cool. Then, of course, there was the rockstar Ian Malcolm, portrayed b y Jeff Goldblum. My biggest question? Why in the world did his chest need to be on full display for so long?! Other than that, he provided plenty laughs. There was Samuel L Jackson and his totally strange “hold on to your butts” line, and Richard Attenborough was a crazy old coot with huge, elaborate ideas that he certainly did not think through properly. Laura Dern was a very good Ellie – she was smart and worked hard, though goodness she could hanker after having kids! Besides that painfully obvious “she must be a woman” moments, she was sassy and she knew what she was doing, super capable and I liked that. Also, the way the entire concept was laid out in the beginning was great – concise, fast, let’s you know what’s happening without inundating you with an overkill of information, and then you are good to go. The deliberate setup worked wonders, too, because you really get involved with discovering this amazing new world with the crew. Jurassic Park is just magical. There is so much work that went into it, and it is extremely obvious, and it comes together well. The movie also holds up wonderfully 22 years later. Steven Spielberg just understands how to realise adventure movies, and this was no exception. It was fun and it was intense, because the movie is set up in such a way that you never really know if anyone is safe. There is so much tension and doubt about everything, which keeps you on the edge of your seat, and the dinosaurs themselves look fantastic so you very easily get sucked in and see how quickly they can go from fascinating to terrifying. John Williams scored this wonderfully, too, and his music just rounded this out, as his scores always do. They always contribute to the films they are in – always so super memorable. Obviously I really loved this, everything about it was fantastic – the concept, the implementation, the dinosaurs, the terrifying situations, all of it gives us an immensely fun and enjoyable adventure film.