Rapid Review: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1983)

“It’s almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don’t miss it. And don’t forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It’s almost time.”
– Commercial Announcer

SYNOPSIS: Kids all over America want Silver Shamrock masks for Halloween. Doctor Daniel Challis seeks to uncover a plot by Silver Shamrock owner Conal Cochran. – via IMDB

There was a lot of this:

And not enough of this:

What the fuck?! I’m sorry, I can’t even be civil about this! What the hell was the meaning of this?! This is the only movie in the Halloween canon I haven’t watched (I have seen all the Michael Myers ones), so when I popped this in, I thought I was getting a new film on Mikey. Well, no. I guess not. I spent the next 100 minutes having my teeth kicked in. Like, you know when a movie is so insulting you are actually offended when it is over? That was this hunk of junk for me. My husband (who luckily did not have the misfortune of watching this crap with me) spent the rest of the night laughing at me and my shock, horror, and incredulity that I had actually watched something this useless. This is Shitfest bad! Gosh! Okay, let’s even forget that there is no Michael Myers, and just go by the merits of the film – it still blows. I really tried to like it (because I love old school horror, so initially I was not phased by Myers being absent – this still had potential). There was this ridiculous “romance” squeezed in, which I think was just there to cover some sex for the movie (no jokes). The relationship was really creepy and forced, too. The movie had no idea where it was going, and stumbles all over the show while trying to find its feet. Sadly, that meant I was stumbling with it. It takes forever to sort of uncover what the bullshit story line was for this, and it is filled with superbly unlikable characters, so it is glaringly obvious that there is no solid story line because you don’t even like these people enough to chill with them while you figure it out. The writing is absolutely godawful, and there was so much illogical crap going down at any given moment, I just couldn’t anymore. Like, I see what they were going for here, but there was just way too much wrong with it. Just because this movie tosses in a few scenes of the last two Halloween movies in it on the TVs in this movie, does not mean I am okay with it being in the franchise, Let’s talk about the last bit of this movie – how many fucking times can it try to kill this guy and have him escape?! I know that is a common theme for horrors – but this surpassed the average rate exponentially. The only redeeming quality of this movie is probably the score, it’s actually really good. Anyway, useless movie that is bad even if it wasn’t ill placed in the Michael Myers canon, and one that I would highly recommend you skip.

Review: Dead Ringer – Jessie Rosen

I received this book in exchange for an honest review.

SYNOPSIS: From the moment Laura Rivers steps foot into Englewood High, she notices the stares—and they aren’t the typical once-overs every pretty new girl endures. The students seem confused and…spooked. Whispers echoing through the halls confirm that something is seriously off. “That new girl looks just like her,” they say.

It turns out Laura has a doppelgänger, and it isn’t just anyone—it’s Sarah Castro-Tanner, the girl who killed herself by jumping into the Navasink River one year ago.

Laura is determined not to let the gossip ruin her chances of making a fresh start. Thanks to her charming personality and California tan, she catches the eye of Englewood’s undisputed golden boy, Charlie Sanders, and it’s only a matter of time before they make their relationship official.

But something is making Charlie and his friends paranoid—and Laura soon discovers it has to do with Sarah Castro-Tanner.

What really happened to Sarah? Why is Charlie unraveling? And how does Laura Rivers fit into it all?

After all, she’s the dead ringer for a dead girl. – via Goodreads

Me eye is actually twitching as I write this because of my immense frustration. But let me not jump the gun, I think you deserve to know how this played out – and you all know I won’t just give a bad review for no reason. The write up looked like there was some potential, and there was. But this book really isn’t for adults – at least, not adults who read a lot. This is far more suited for young adults/teens or someone who doesn’t read all too much but wants something that will go quickly. Or someone who is looking for the most ludicrous and unbelievable story in the world – again, more on that just now. There was so much that could have been done with this novel had it been set in a more mature environment. Also, the book requires you to suspend belief to a point where I just could not do it anymore. I mean Sasha, this hacker, started at twelve and is that phenomenal less that eighteen months later? It didn’t sit right with me considering just about all my friends (and even my fiancé) are programmers and into IT, so even for me reading some of the computer related things had me rolling my eyes. How convenient. Really. I am not saying you can’t be a hacker at like thirteen, I am saying the way that Rosen handled this was just not on. Let’s also not forget to mention how many times “that night” was brought up and painted to be something super intense. It was brought up so many times you are numbed to the mystery around it, to the point where you don’t even care anymore as to whatever happened “that night”, and whenever it is alluded to, your interest is not piqued, but a little annoyance flares up. There is also a lot of what feels like filler stuff in the novel, and Laura’s character was someone that I could not identify with and didn’t care about in the slightest. Not even a little bit, not even at all. Let’s not even forget about the four major characters outside of Laura: Charlie, Kit, Miller, and Amanda were all silly. None of them meant anything, none of them carried any weight for me. As if I was not irritated enough as is – this freaking book just ends. No joke. I was desperately hoping that the story would wrap up and be done, but no. Never in a million years would I be as fortunate. How could I think that I would be? Har har no. It just ends. Done. No more, no less. So it means there will be another book in what is now going to become a series. Oh man, why?! I just don’t know if I can do it to myself. As it is I felt Dead Ringer dragged on and on and never really went anywhere until the last bit (and boy,  oh boy, was that a kick in the teeth), and everything was so juvenile and convenient and, and, and… no. Just don’t do this to yourself. Ever. For no reason under the sun.