Review: Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)

“The Vampire and Lycan clans have been at war for centuries, turning our world into a battlefield. For me, the fight is personal. Everyone I’ve ever loved has been hunted down. Now a new war is being waged.”
– Selene

SYNOPSIS: Vampire death dealer, Selene fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her. – via IMDB

Hoo-boy, was I ever excited for this! I know there are tons of people that have issues with the Underworld movies, but come on peeps, lighten up! They are fun and entertaining. Don’t overthink it. So when we got Blood Wars in December, I was out in full force to catch up with ass-kicking Death Dealer Selene, and to see what has become of the ever-precious Michael.

Now, right off the bat, I wanted to love the costume design. It is usually pretty good, but then this movie looked like The Hunger Games in terms of outfits. The parallel didn’t stop there. When I saw how the new Death Dealers were being trained, I was a little shocked. Seriously guys, since when are you guys in cages, wearing the same creepy leather vests, and training like you are going to get in the arena? Then the makeup and costumes that were so over the top also made me keep up with that line of thinking. Oh well.

I was pleased to see David and his father Thomas return, and I particularly enjoyed the story arc involving David’s lineage. Theo James is a welcome addition to the franchise, and works quite well with Kate Beckinsale. The story was again (surprise surprise) lacking here, but again, not a deal breaker for me. There is enough story to keep you mindlessly entertained, with plenty action to glue it all together. I was not pleased with the stupidly weak coup that took place, because really, there was so much more potential there to use than was actually realised. Another major issue I had with Blood Wars is that it felt rushed, and that is such a pity. It came across as a bit clunky.

The movie, as its predecessors, is dark and gloomy and looks good (even if you take that whole Hunger Games vibe and toss it). I appreciate the continuity of these movies, as it is more consistent than most franchises. I found Lara Pulver to be a total nuisance, and hopefully we will not have to suffer through any more of her in future. Bradley James reminds me of a young Mads Mikkelsen, which is pretty cool.

Underworld: Blood Wars is another silly, popcorn entertainment film that should satiate fans of the Underworld franchise, but might not appeal to people who are not familiar with the mythos of the vampire and lycan clans. I suppose it might not even really win over existing fans, but I thought it was alright! SPOILER: I absolutely refuse to accept this crappy premise that Michael is dead. REFUSE, I tell you. Guess we will have to see where it goes from here. Worth a watch, I’d say.

Review: Underworld: Awakening (2012)

“Do you think I’m foolish enough to take you at your word? No reason to fear a Death Dealer who fell in love with a Lycan, who murdered two of our elders, and who, at every turn, has betrayed her own kind.”
– Thomas

SYNOPSIS: When human forces discover the existence of the Vampire and Lycan clans, a war to eradicate both species commences. The vampire warrior Selene leads the battle against humankind. – via IMDB

While this is not my favourite Underworld film, it has grown on me since I first saw it, which was the only time I saw it. I wasn’t bowled over, it was a bit messy, true, and all over the show, and I was dead set against it because so little Michael just shattered me. But I watched it again and it actually isn’t that bad.

I am not a fan of the humans knowing about the clans, and the wars that have popped up because of that. I don’t know, I like the vampires and the lycans moving in secrecy, fitting in. This was a spin that I wasn’t keen on, and as the movie progressed, I thought things got even more bizarre. For instance, the humans are hunting them, etc. but the further on it goes, the less the movie even focuses on humans, which is just silly. It becomes just about the lycans (building a super breed) and the vampires. The humans just disappeared. Hello, where?

A child in a film pretty much always grates on me, and this was no exception. I was not a fan. I understood the arc, but didn’t much care for it. At least the kid wasn’t around the whole time. I would just not deal. Aside from her, I actually appreciated some of the new characters, like Detective Sebastian, David and his father, Thomas. I was interested to see how David and his father didn’t always see eye to eye, both having different ideals and how to go about them. Then there was Sebastian, a human, but very much on their side.

The one thing I really didn’t dig about this movie? The effects. They were beyond dodgy… looked like a bunch of first year graphic design students were given this movie and told to have a good time. I don’t know, it just wan’t okay all the time, and the other movies usually looked pretty good. Another thing? The story to this was, again, pretty thin. That being said, I suppose their is plenty action that is supposed to distract you from that, and the movie is shot pretty well and looks all dark and gloomy.

So while Underworld: Awakening has issues, it was still a light, fun watch. Definitely not as bad as I remember it, but it could definitely do with more Michael and Selene (yes, I will ship this for life man).

Review: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

“I have no wish to remove one shackle from around your necks, only to replace them with one of my own. You’ll have a choice: you can run and hide, or you can stay and fight. Any man who fights with me shall have his freedom and, if he wishes it; immortality.”
– Lucian

SYNOPSIS: An origins story centered on the centuries-old feud between the race of aristocratic vampires and their onetime slaves, the Lycans. – via IMDB

This movie was so good. Since the first movie I have wanted a more in depth history of the lycan origins. I mean heck, Lucian said in Underworld: “We were slaves once. The daylight guardians of the vampires. I was born into servitude. Yet I harbored them no ill will.” You just know there is so much more to the story. Rise of the Lycans totally delivered on all fronts.

The sets were back up to par in this one, and the movie was once again dark, dreary, and depressing, which totally captured the mood. I also think that the lycans still look absolutley awesome, and the costume design was good. Going back centuries to the origin of this blood feud was something I have been waiting for for ages. Again, the consistency in the storytelling is great, and the lore sticks to what they have give us so far, so credit where credit is due. The more you see of Viktor, the more reprehensible a character he becomes, no doubt about this.

This movie also did a good job in showing you the differences between the thoroughbred werewolves, and the stranger crossbreed of lycans. It was also difficult to watch how these lycans came about, and how they were treated. Their eventual uprising and fighting back was something I greatly admired, and I thought it looked fantastic. I mean come on, there was a castle siege. You all know how I get about sieges!

Lucian is such a great character, and exploring him more in depth was super rewarding, and I really liked seeing him and Sonja together, though I knew they were doomed. Even knowing what the outcome will be,  it does not change the fact that you wish it would work out differently. Man, not cool!

Rise of the Lycans is a solid addition to the Underworld franchise, and gives us more history to chew on, and details about this ancient lycan/vampire feud. It looks good, sounds good, and is incredibly entertaining. I highly recommend this for a watch! Excellent prequel.

Review: Underworld: Evolution (2006)

“For six centuries I was a loyal soldier to the vampire clan. But I was betrayed. The war was not as it had seemed. In one night, the lies that had united our kind had been exposed.”
– Selene

SYNOPSIS: Vampire warrior Selene and the half werewolf Michael hunt for clues to reveal the history of their races and the war between them. – via IMDB

So this film had some issues, for reals, but it was still not a waste of a film. For one, I really liked getting more history on the original players, because history is always interesting, and it just goes to show how consistent these movies are about what they are giving us. It is well thought out, so there aren’t tons of holes. I also liked how this picked up straight after the last one. The story is quite messy at times, to be honest, and just doesn’t come together as well as you would hope. There are so many issues at play here. I just wanted more bite (har har), and it didn’t quite deliver on that front.

I found that the effects were a little sketchy in this one, but that is hardly ever a make or break for me. The sets were not as great as Underworld, which is disappointing because I really liked the way that film came together visually. I was a particular fan of the way that William’s tomb/crypt/prison was designed – so intricate! The costume design was not my favourite thing in this one, either, which is a pity. So much more potential!

I was so pleased to see more of Michael and Selene in this one – the two just fit together and work perfectly. Not to mention I think that Scott Speedman and Kate Beckinsale work off of each other fantastically. They don’t have this super soppy romance; it’s edgy and heavy and beautiful, but they aren’t clinging to each other and swearing to die if they are apart. Plus they are quite a hot couple.

Also, we have tons of action to focus on in this one again. Crazy big fights, some more of Michael and his powers as a hybrid, the love between Michael and Selene, and the never-ending politics of the vampire clans. There have been so many lies there, and now nobody trusts anybody. The story is (too) simple to follow, but the cast performs well, and it is always fun to watch Beckinsale be a kickass Death Dealer. Speedman was super easy on the eyes, too, and Michael is just… yeah.

While consistency is key, Alexander Corvinus having cleaned up after his sons and their offspring was something I was a little confused by. It wasn’t hinted at at all, and here you see this crew constantly cleaning up. Surely the vampires and lycans would have known if there was some special force looking out for them and fixing everything? Anyway. I did like that he gave Selene another gift, because it alters the way that the story could unfold, and the different plot devices at play.

Evolution is, without a doubt, not as good as its predecessor, and while it is a little messy, it is still infinitely better than most. It focuses too heavily on the action sequences and less on story, and for  me, that cost it some points.  That being said, me? Still a fan. Big one. It will take more than that to ruin these for me.

Review: Underworld (2003)

“Whether you like it or not, you’re in the middle of a war that has been raging for the better part of a thousand years. A blood feud between vampires and lycans. Werewolves.”
– Selene

SYNOPSIS: Selene, a beautiful warrior, is entrenched in a war between the vampire and werewolf races. Although she is aligned with the vampires, she falls in love with Michael, a human who is sought by werewolves for unknown reasons. – via IMDB

Man, oh man, I will never understand the low scores the Underworld movies have garnered online. There is so much to like about them, something that is becoming increasingly rare in the vampire/werewolf genres. Anyway, Underworld is shot really well. It is dark and gloomy every step of the way, so that from the opening you know you are about to get a gritty film. We return to real vampires and lycans – let’s face it, the lycans were terrifying. They weren’t these prissy regular wolves. They were big and menacing and scary, and these creatures still had the lines of a human to them, which made them super creepy. The film actually touts pretty decent effects, too, and an interesting story. From the off, you are interested to hear what Selene has to say about everything – why she loves being a Death Dealer, how her kind is dying off, and of this fascinating age old war that has raged between the two sides.

Speaking of, the politics were expertly handled, and you know I love some good politics. The betrayals ran deep, and the wheeling and dealing was great. I was a fan of the weapons both sides had created to combat each other. The lore was covered extremely well, too, and it was consistent. Selene, too, besides being super gorgeous in this, has an awesome relationship with Michael, and the two of them together just get me. It is so understated, and not in your face. Subtlety always wins out. Scott Speedman and Kate Beckinsale just gel together, and what a super hot couple! I WANT MORE!

I enjoyed how expertly the storytelling was handled – initially you are anti-lycan, and only the vampires can be right, but as the movie progresses, the lycans change, and you see that everyone has been lied to somewhere, and that both sides have bad apples. The score complements the film every step of the way, too. Okay, as you can tell, I am a bit of a super fan. I love Underworld, and think it is a great example of the right kind of vampire and werewolf film. It manages to introduce you to an array of characters without losing you, giving you great backstories and lore, and has you engrossed in the progress, and the film is visually really pretty. Obviously I highly recommend you check out Underworld if you have not done so already.

Top Ten Movie Monsters

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve grown up on a staple diet of horror movies for years. I love the stuff, though there are so many crappy films in the genre, no character development, and a slew of other problems. Irrespective of, there have been some great monsters as far back as I can remember, a whole bunch that stick with you no matter what.

I decided to do a top ten movie monsters list (how original, I know). Naturally this is going to be one of those lists where there is such a vast array of monsters to choose from it is going to be grossly limited. Naturally this is not the definitive list or anything, just a list of ten awesome movie monsters. Anyway, here goes!

Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street films)

I am a massive Freddy Krueger fan (but the old and original Robert Englund stuff, mind, not this new age crap). Freddy is just totally the one thing you don’t want lingering or entering any which one of your dreams ever. Freddy plays with his prey before all sorts of bizarre and messed up executions, and everything for him is darkly, comically funny, not to mention that scary glove he runs around with!

Xenomorph (Alien films)

I honestly don’t think that I need to explain this. These things are scary as hell. Plus two, Alien: Isolation is not particularly helping matters either.

Dr Satan (House of 1000 Corpses)

The hell? House of 1000 Corpses is a crazy watch, and it definitely oozes darkness and horror. Something that was in no shortage throughout the film was messed up characters and devilish monsters. Dr Satan is no exception, he definitely gave me the chills! I would have a heart attack if I woke up and he was the first thing I saw!

Sam (Trick ‘r Treat)

I am a huge fan of Trick ‘r Treat, and I thought that Sam was one of the coolest creature things in a movie ever. Never talking, always just observing, waltzing around town, Sam is not someone you want to cross, or diss Halloween in front of.

Dementors (Harry Potter films)

While I was maybe not the biggest fan of these films (at all), and while they screwed the Dementors up more often than not (appearances and what they do), there was one of them that they got it right in, and knowing what I do about those things, they are nasty creatures you don’t want anywhere near  you at any time, ever.

The Witch King of Angmar (The Lord of the Rings trilogy)

I think you are all familiar with my love of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I talk about it everywhere, as much as possible. High time to be watching it again, I think. Anyhow, the Nazgûl are terrifying monsters, really eerie, but the Witch King of Angmar takes the crown (he he) for this again because he is badass, scary, strong, powerful, backed by dark magics and forces and relentless to boot.

Lycans (Underworld films)

While some were not a fan of Rise of the Lycans, I thought it was a really fun movie, and I loved getting some more back-story on the Lycans. Besides that, I thought they looked really badass and cool in here, and they were awesome overall. An honourable mention here would be the werewolves in Trick ‘r Treat, apparently they were done by the same studios that did the Lycans in Rise of the Lycans.

Bagul / Mr Boogie (Sinister)

Because what the hell… that’s all. Didn’t expect to get something that packed this much punch from something like Sinister, but hey, I thought it was pretty good!

The Thing (The Thing)

Any one of the things in this movie. Come on, they were absolutely nasty, and could become anything, though the procedure was absolutely disgusting!

Zombies (Dawn of the Dead 2004 remake)

Because seriously… if zombies weren’t bad enough, let’s make them run like hell. Nope, heart attack waiting to happen.