Review: Lights Out (2016)

“We’re living with a dead woman!”
– Rebecca

SYNOPSIS: When her little brother, Martin, experiences the same events that once tested her sanity, Rebecca works to unlock the truth behind the terror, which brings her face to face with an entity that has an attachment to their mother, Sophie. – via IMDB

I didn’t expect much, but I didn’t expect it to suck quite this much. RIDICULOUS. I watched the short when that came out, and it was pretty good. Then someone had the real bright spark idea of stretching that short into a feature length film. A sloppy feature length film. Eighty minutes of film time, to be precise, which felt like the longest movie I had ever had the misfortune of watching. It felt like we were nearing the end, and I saw we were twenty minutes in. From that moment, I knew I was doomed to suffer through to the end. Every minute the movie progressed, it got cornier, cheesier, and more terrible. I cringed a few times. That someone actually put this in a movie… that someone actually wrote this script. Like when we got the explanation for Sophie? You can’t be serious! That’s what it was about? That?! Horrible, horrible, and so silly.

The story was beyond weak and flimsy, and the longer the movie went on, the more obvious this became. I didn’t like any of the characters, either, except maybe the boyfriend, Bret. The logic was totally broken, too, and not in the acceptable way of most horrors. This movie relied heavily on jump scares, too, which were just cheap. There was like no finesse to this whatsoever. There was nothing to redeem this. There was also so much stupid stuff going on the whole time. For instance, let’s also not forget the part where they armed themselves with a black light and a flash as a weapon. I actually scoffed. Very reminiscent of the trident flashlight in Under The Bed.

I can keep talking about this, but it won’t be pretty, and I just don’t have the energy to expend on such a useless experience. Meh. There is pretty much nothing going for this movie – it is messy, boring, way too long, sloppily written and badly executed, and I would highly recommend staying away from this one.

Review: Ouija: Origin of Evil (2016)

“Spirit, can you hear me?”
– Alice Zander

SYNOPSIS: In 1967 Los Angeles, a widowed mother and her two daughters add a new stunt to bolster their seance scam business, inviting an evil presence into their home. – via IMDB

I must be very honest and open with the fact that I have not seen any other Ouija movies at all, but was interested in checking this out because of Mike Flanagan. I am really conflicted about his work because it can be really good, but it can also be really blandly normal, so I was interested to see where this would land.

Well, let’s start with I don’t get the high ratings this movie gets. I really, honestly don’t. The movie is a mess. Truly it is. Initially it starts and it is interesting and constructed pretty well, and it is engaging and has an interesting premise, what with a mother using her daughters to manipulate people about the great beyond. This is all good, and seems to be what you want. However, it swiftly moves in another direction, and it is not nice.

The story is actually really weak, and the longer the movie goes on, the more terrible and soft it becomes. The movie putters along with ridiculous logic and all, but come the third act? It completely devolves. Moves from “okay” territory to “absolutely absurd”. Not a good thing, nope. Ugh, what a waste!

The performances were alright, but sometimes they were terribly unconvincing. I was pleased that the movie did not force the jump scares the whole time, and the movie was shot quite well, so it looked and sounded good. But yeah, it just falls apart. There are some decent things going for it, and then there are some major issues.

Ouija: Origin of Evil is a mixed bag all round. The story flimsy as hell, but it looks good, and is carried by performances that are alright, but not brilliant. It started with great atmosphere, then fell apart. There are worse movies to waste your time on (just look at the Chop and I soldiering through those Amityville movies), but this is not something I would highly recommend, or something I would be rushing to watch again.

Rapid Review: The Purge: Election Year (2016)

” We will now purge. We will torture you and violate your flesh. Remove your skin and share in your blood. This is the American way.”
– Uncle Sam

SYNOPSIS: Years after sparing the man who killed his son, former police sergeant Barnes has become head of security for Senator Charlie Roan, a Presidential candidate targeted for death on Purge night due to her vow to eliminate the Purge. – via IMDB

Man, oh man, was this ever a disappointment to me. I didn’t expect to love this as much as I did Anarchy, because that delivered on everything I ever wanted from a Purge movie, but I really thought that it would be more than this. Sure, I was expecting politics, the title told you as much, but I did  not expect the movie to be so tedious, for the master and star of Anarchy, Frank Grillo, to be reduced to a caricature of his former character, as well as have such a large group of unlikable characters. Really.

For instance, every time I wanted to warm to Joe Dixon, there were just racial slurs again (and seriously folks, as a South African and race being the central point of everything, it’s just the last thing you want to hear in a movie). I quite liked Marcos, and could not stand that stupid Kimmy/Freakbride/whatever that spoiled brat was called that had beef with Joe.

Anyway, the political overtures were over the top, the Purge itself didn’t have the same charm or draw as the last two films, the plot was just all over the show, there were some super dodgy “South Africans” in the beginning (bull), and the movie felt like it dragged because the pacing was faulty. Nope, I expected more after the last movie and Election Year simply did not deliver. I don’t have much to say about this, except that it was quite a let down, and not the greatest note to end these films on.