Rapid Review: Constantine (2005)

constantine poster

“What if I told you that God and the devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind?”
– John Constantine

SYNOPSIS: The story of irreverent supernatural detective John Constantine, who has literally been to Hell and back. When Constantine teams up with skeptical policewoman Angela Dodson to solve the mysterious suicide of her twin sister, their investigation takes them through the world of demons and angels that exists just beneath the landscape of contemporary Los Angeles. Caught in a catastrophic series of otherworldly events, the two become inextricably involved and seek to find their own peace at whatever cost. – via IMDB

constantine hell

GRADE 7.5This is a movie that really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be, and I thought that Keanu Reeves was, in actual fact, cast really well for the role. I thought that the way the movie was laid out was decent, and the story itself was cool, too, though there were some inconsistencies and plot holes. That plagues most movies though. I have a soft spot for this. Constantine really is the most bizarre and hardcore exorcist, and he is hell bent on enforcing the balance. The cast was also good, and even Rachel Weisz didn’t get on my nerves or anything. Constantine boasts some insane cheese, but it works absolute wonders here. The war that was described in the movie between Heaven and Hell was interesting, and the way that Hell looked was impressive, too. I didn’t think the effects were awful or anything, especially when taking into consideration how long ago this was made. Keanu Reeves rocked the white shirt, black tie, black pants, severe smoker and tortured soul thing – so good at being deadpan – I really thought he was well suited, despite what so many other people have to say. There is just insane amounts of fun to be had with this movie, really. It has a cult following for a reason. It had cheese in the right places, humour, too, and a solid cast to carry it. The effects weren’t bad and the progression was exactly what it needed to be. The movie manages to introduce us to Constantine and his world before immersing itself in the battle between Heaven and Hell adequately, so that we are not thrown into the deep end and left floundering. Also, I need to make mention of the tease that Constantine was in this… I mean if I were Angela I would have flipped out with his lingering and never doing more. The frustration. Poor woman. Anyway, if you haven’t seen Constantine, I think it is well worth looking into and a good time to boot, just don’t take it too seriously, you will ruin the experience for yourself. Oh, and embrace the cheese.

Review: The Possession (2012)

the possession poster

“Whoever made this didn’t want anybody to open it.”
– Clyde Brenek

SYNOPSIS: A young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, unaware that inside the collectible lives a malicious ancient spirit. The girl’s father teams with his ex-wife to find a way to end the curse upon their child. – via IMDB

I waited around for ever for Jeffrey Dean Morgan to John Winchester and exorcise that demon’s ass right back out of his kid… damn Supernatural for twisting all of this so far out of proportion! I expected him to be able to handle it. There were also a couple of distinctive goofs that sort of threw me, such as the daughter speaking about braces with nothing on, but having them in place the next afternoon, or Clyde throwing the basketball up and down with a plaster on his hand long before the fork stabbing incident. Other than that, the movie was alright. Another film about a possess child, to be sure, but not the worst out there. I felt that the movie lacked in some aspects, maybe a slightly more solid story, and it is as though the movie relied heavily on sudden sounds for jumps. The feeling of the movie was also not always dark and demented, which granted should not always be the case, but has a distinct feeling of being disjointed at the best of times. Overall, not a bad flick if you are looking for a little horror to watch between something or to pass the time with, but definitely not scary, and definitely not first horror choice.. Not necessarily something that I would rewatch, though.