Review: The Boy (2016)

“Be good to him and he will be good to you.”
– Mr Heelshire

SYNOPSIS: An American nanny is shocked that her new English family’s boy is actually a life-sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe that the doll is really alive. – via IMDB

Okay, so I wasn’t expecting greatness from The Boy. I was expecting a run of the mill horror, as it is so rare to find a great one nowadays. I know the reviews for this came back harshly, and now I can totally understand why. Initially I was thinking it couldn’t really be that bad. Wrong. It can be. It starts off as nothing too serious, and it is okay, nothing we haven’t seen before, but enough to keep you entertained. However, before you can blink your eyes and catch up properly, the movie has totally derailed into something so ridiculous and absurd, you can’t even suspend logic for the sake of the horror movie. For reals.

I am all on board with trying to do something a little different and all that, but come off it! This was one movie in the first half and another in the second, and it was so stupid, no less. Plot twist my foot! Ugh. I get what they were trying to go for, I do, and I get why they would have wanted to, but this was just not right, it wasn’t handled well (in my opinion, that is). It could have played off in so many different ways. The writers never really embraced their concept and didn’t go all out for it – the premise is bizarre as is, they should have just gone for it, used it! Instead, it just falls flat, something that technically could have been so much more. What a waste of time.

Cohan does what she can with the role, but the script is so uninspired as it is, there is not much you can really do with it. Then there is Malcolm, and he and Greta seem to work well, but nothing special. The movie is predictable and lives on a ton of horror clichés, until it tries to break the mould, and that is where things just backfired. Badly. Initially you do wonder about this doll, about Greta, about her psychological state, about the supernatural. Then the movie breaks from this, and it gets ridiculous. Ugh, I was just irritated with this silly movie by the end, and it was a supremely unsatisfying watch over and above it.

The Boy really had no idea what it actually wanted, and if the execution is what it was going for, it failed. I regret having wasted my time. Again, I didn’t expect the next Babadook or anything, but I didn’t think it could be that dreadful. It is. Skip it, if you are one of the lucky few that has not lost time on this crappy movie.

JB & The Chop Do: A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I know that this is the end of the Elm Street run the Chop and I have been having a total blast with and all that, I just really wish that we could have gone out with a bang. Like… it should have ended with Freddy vs Jason. I would have been down with that. Instead there was another one, and I, personally, don’t know anyone that wasn’t particularly offended by this that knew the franchise. That might all change today though. I know Eric hasn’t always hated this movie, and doesn’t mind reboots, but that was before knowing that the Freddy Krueger movies were all about. I wonder if he will change his mind? I hope so…

But aside from that, thank you to everyone who has read these reviews and taken the time to share their opinions and put their feelings out there. We love it when you guys speak up and let us know what you think! Plus two, we had some really great comments throughout, so thanks for the laughs!

Lastly, remember that Shitfest will be commencing soon, so anyone who wants to whip up an entry, pop it over to Eric at ei@theipc.me – Shitfest is fun and awesome and the best thing ever, so please, let’s do this thing! There is a deadly trophy to be won, too!

SYNOPSIS: Death stalks the dreams of several young adults to claim its revenge on the killing of Freddy Kruger. Chased and chastised by this finger-bladed demon, it is the awakening of old memories and the denials of a past of retribution that spurns this hellish vision of a dreamlike state and turns death into a nightmare reality. – via IMDB

What the fucking hell was the point of this stupid fucking movie? UGH.

If you want to read something of more substance, I have a Shitfest entry, a review on my site, and one on Tim’s site. There. It’s everywhere. And today, again.

Fuck the makeup.

Fuck the characters. Pity, too, because the cast was actually relatively decent.

Fuck whatever the hell they did with Freddy Krueger. Talking like a weirdo, looks stupid, so not Robert Englund, wrecked back story, the works.

Fuck this remake. Sucks, too, because you would really think with all the updated technology and shit that they could have worked wonders. The effects were relatively good for the most part, but that could not save this abomination.

There. I said it. I said it all, as nicely as I possibly could. Don’t even judge me.

Well then, let’s move on to prettier things so that I can smile for the rest of the day.

I honestly don’t think I need to justify anything here… at all… just… enjoy.

Alright, I am out. Again, THANK YOU ALL FOR READING, and thank you so much for collaborating with me again Chop! It is always a total blast and much fun to be had, and this was no exception (even when it got dodgy). Wonder if we will be doing something again sometime???? 😀

It’s funny what things bring people together. I wrote about this movie a long time ago – which you could see HERE if you felt the burning desire. I suppose, if you feel some burning you might want to go to the local clinic and get that checked out. While you’re waiting in the lobby, instead of reading three month old magazine’s, you could check out one of Zoë’s first ever posts on my site HERE – she rails into this thing like an out of control 18-wheeler. That was back when we were first getting to know each other – so to speak and now look how close we are. Or am I just imagining this??? CRY CRY CRY. One day, before we got together and started watching movies together – we also had THIS to say about this movie over at BEERMOVIE.NET. And now look where we are… as close as kittens!!! Maybe?? JB??? JB?????????? JB??????????????????

When we started this series, I admitted to the world that I had only seen a couple of these things – the first, in the theater, the third, on a dare and this one. I also admitted that I didn’t think this was a bad film (but not great) but that I didn’t know shit about the franchise in the first place and I submitted that, if you’re not familiar with anything going into this, you probably won’t think it’s too bad either. If you look at all of those comments on Zoë’s post – you can see that this is pretty much universally reviled but I still stand by the stance that this isn’t THAT bad. Freddy’s Dead has to be the worst movie of the lot and maybe even one of the worst movies ever – to me – compared to that, this is an award winner.

I liked the cast and I thought the cinematography was decent enough. I liked the dream sequences and the leggy blond. I thought it was still super dumb that anyone can fall asleep in three seconds and have lucid dreams – even when you’re fucking SWIMMING…….. AARGH!!!

But, if I do have to say something bad about it – while I don’t have anything against Jackie Earle Haley, so to speak, after seeing Englund do the character so many times, I thought he was an incredibly bad choice. For one thing, he seems like he’s four foot shorter than Englund and all he does is growl like a feral dog. I doubt anyone would be too scared of him unless he put on some platform boots.

One thing I ABSOLUTELY hated, though, was the fucking new makeup. I noticed, during the first 11 movies that the makeup changed with each film and thought “Continuity??” but I didn’t make the movies so, oh well. The makeup in this one is atrocious and was totally off putting every time Fred was on screen. I also thought it was weird that they changed his back story from a child killer to a child molester….

I guess I better start to wrap this up – I didn’t try very hard to find a GIF of Connie Britton being pulled through that mirror to end this thing (a throwback to the end of the first one) so let’s go with this and have a good time for a couple of minutes:

(ED: Chop, I found one for you!)

And to finish: JB!!!!!!!!!!!!! This has been so much fun!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU for doing these with the poor, old Chop! You are the best and this project has been EPIC!!! Let’s work together again real soon!!! Thank you to all of you who have read our words on these things and thank you all for the fun comments! I may not have liked all of these movies but I sure liked this project!!!

As for one last Easter Egg – did you know that Zoë and I had a cameo in the second one??

THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING!!

Love,

ei