Review: Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)


“The Vampire and Lycan clans have been at war for centuries, turning our world into a battlefield. For me, the fight is personal. Everyone I’ve ever loved has been hunted down. Now a new war is being waged.”
– Selene

SYNOPSIS: Vampire death dealer, Selene fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her. – via IMDB


GRADE 6Hoo-boy, was I ever excited for this! I know there are tons of people that have issues with the Underworld movies, but come on peeps, lighten up! They are fun and entertaining. Don’t overthink it. So when we got Blood Wars in December, I was out in full force to catch up with ass-kicking Death Dealer Selene, and to see what has become of the ever-precious Michael.

Now, right off the bat, I wanted to love the costume design. It is usually pretty good, but then this movie looked like The Hunger Games in terms of outfits. The parallel didn’t stop there. When I saw how the new Death Dealers were being trained, I was a little shocked. Seriously guys, since when are you guys in cages, wearing the same creepy leather vests, and training like you are going to get in the arena? Then the makeup and costumes that were so over the top also made me keep up with that line of thinking. Oh well.


I was pleased to see David and his father Thomas return, and I particularly enjoyed the story arc involving David’s lineage. Theo James is a welcome addition to the franchise, and works quite well with Kate Beckinsale. The story was again (surprise surprise) lacking here, but again, not a deal breaker for me. There is enough story to keep you mindlessly entertained, with plenty action to glue it all together. I was not pleased with the stupidly weak coup that took place, because really, there was so much more potential there to use than was actually realised. Another major issue I had with Blood Wars is that it felt rushed, and that is such a pity. It came across as a bit clunky.

The movie, as its predecessors, is dark and gloomy and looks good (even if you take that whole Hunger Games vibe and toss it). I appreciate the continuity of these movies, as it is more consistent than most franchises. I found Lara Pulver to be a total nuisance, and hopefully we will not have to suffer through any more of her in future. Bradley James reminds me of a young Mads Mikkelsen, which is pretty cool.

Underworld: Blood Wars is another silly, popcorn entertainment film that should satiate fans of the Underworld franchise, but might not appeal to people who are not familiar with the mythos of the vampire and lycan clans. I suppose it might not even really win over existing fans, but I thought it was alright! SPOILER: I absolutely refuse to accept this crappy premise that Michael is dead. REFUSE, I tell you. Guess we will have to see where it goes from here. Worth a watch, I’d say.

Review: Underworld: Awakening (2012)


“Do you think I’m foolish enough to take you at your word? No reason to fear a Death Dealer who fell in love with a Lycan, who murdered two of our elders, and who, at every turn, has betrayed her own kind.”
– Thomas

SYNOPSIS: When human forces discover the existence of the Vampire and Lycan clans, a war to eradicate both species commences. The vampire warrior Selene leads the battle against humankind. – via IMDB


GRADE 6.5While this is not my favourite Underworld film, it has grown on me since I first saw it, which was the only time I saw it. I wasn’t bowled over, it was a bit messy, true, and all over the show, and I was dead set against it because so little Michael just shattered me. But I watched it again and it actually isn’t that bad.

I am not a fan of the humans knowing about the clans, and the wars that have popped up because of that. I don’t know, I like the vampires and the lycans moving in secrecy, fitting in. This was a spin that I wasn’t keen on, and as the movie progressed, I thought things got even more bizarre. For instance, the humans are hunting them, etc. but the further on it goes, the less the movie even focuses on humans, which is just silly. It becomes just about the lycans (building a super breed) and the vampires. The humans just disappeared. Hello, where?

A child in a film pretty much always grates on me, and this was no exception. I was not a fan. I understood the arc, but didn’t much care for it. At least the kid wasn’t around the whole time. I would just not deal. Aside from her, I actually appreciated some of the new characters, like Detective Sebastian, David and his father, Thomas. I was interested to see how David and his father didn’t always see eye to eye, both having different ideals and how to go about them. Then there was Sebastian, a human, but very much on their side.


The one thing I really didn’t dig about this movie? The effects. They were beyond dodgy… looked like a bunch of first year graphic design students were given this movie and told to have a good time. I don’t know, it just wan’t okay all the time, and the other movies usually looked pretty good. Another thing? The story to this was, again, pretty thin. That being said, I suppose their is plenty action that is supposed to distract you from that, and the movie is shot pretty well and looks all dark and gloomy.

So while Underworld: Awakening has issues, it was still a light, fun watch. Definitely not as bad as I remember it, but it could definitely do with more Michael and Selene (yes, I will ship this for life man).

Review: Divergent (2014)

Divergent movie poster

“You’re different. You don’t fit into a category. They can’t control you. They call it Divergent. You can’t let them find out about you.”
– Tori

SYNOPSIS: In a world divided by factions based on virtues, Tris learns she’s Divergent and won’t fit in. When she discovers a plot to destroy Divergents, Tris and the mysterious Four must find out what makes Divergents dangerous before it’s too late. – via IMDB

Yes… that actually happened. I am going to call this my biggest let down of 2014 so far (but I really don’t know if I will be let down any worse for anything else… but then the year is young). I really, really, really wanted to like this movie a hell of a lot more than I did and it just… no. It didn’t work.

I want to make mention of the score, first and foremost. What the hell was that? It’s the worst score I have heard since The Great Gatsby, and worse than that this didn’t even have a good story and great costume design and acting and all that. Alright, but let’s move past that. I really wish that Shailene Woodley had given a stronger performance for Tris. She is a heroine I actually like a lot and respect and all that and I didn’t get that feeling from Woodley. Secondly, Tobias’s backstory was horribly underplayed and left out, and he is one of my favourite book characters and they totally glaze over exactly the type of person that he is as well as how he got to where he is.

Marcus (Ray Stevenson) was not made even remotely scary enough (which bothered me no end), the score did not work well with anything, the story had giant holes in it and a lot was changed (and not in the good way either – how did Roth think that this was a nice and loyal adaption of her books?!).  A lot of my favourite scenes, the ones that were supposed to resonate, were botched… and bad. Needless to say, unfortunately, that I was not a fan of this. It felt like a little girl movie trying to play with the bigger leagues and failing exponentially.

The story had so much potential. It felt colossally long (which is saying something, it is only 140 minutes) and so much was squandered and wasted. The characters were all peripheral and unimportant, so nothing of emotional value came to be. There was not depth to any of them (I know there was not an awful lot in the books either for everyone, but for the important characters there was definitely more flesh than anything we got here. Theo James played Tobias to the best of his ability and was definitely worth looking into (and is hot AF – evidence follows), Woodley impressed me nearing the end although a lot was just not what it was meant to be.

The relationship between Tris and Tobias sort of just happened out of nowhere, very quickly, instead of the great build up that was created in the books, making it one of the more worthwhile romances we have seen in a long time. Together, though, they did share a pretty good chemistry. While I am on a bitch session, since when is Tobias a damned rapist (or potentially, either way it was being portrayed that way)?! I was completely horrified at that!

Overall I must say that this is not a movie I am happy to have spent my money on seeing in theatres, I feel robbed! Skip it… I am terribly sad to now know why this film got such a bad rep, but will certainly be skipping the next lot. What a waste of good material.