Review: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”
– Tony Stark

SYNOPSIS: Peter Parker balances his life as an ordinary high school student in Queens with his superhero alter-ego Spider-Man, and finds himself on the trail of a new menace prowling the skies of New York City. – via IMDB

Okay, so I finally got to this. I was not super amped to hear there was going to be yet another Spider-Man, because seriously, how many different ones? So I didn’t rush to the cinema for this and didn’t lap up all the news, except that a lot of people said it was good and that Tom Holland is the best Spider-Man of all time. Well, uhm, no, actually. The movie is generic as all hell, and while Holland is good, Garfield still remains the Peter Parker/Spider-Man king to me. But we will get there.

I found this to be… so generic and forgettable and bland. Sorry, but I did, and I know this opinion probably won’t make me super popular among the “Marvel is King” crowd, but yeah. Okay, I know we didn’t get yet another origin story, and I am down with that and all, but I really don’t see the point of another Spider-Man movie just yet. Also, this movie is Tony Stark/Iron Man heavy, and instead of being a drawback (as it sometimes can, sometimes we just want to see the new movie), it actually helped a lot in this one, gave me something to look forward to. Tony and Pepper were what kept me watching, and I was thrilled to finally catch a glimpse of Pepper lately, it’s been too long.

Back to the movie… generic. The score wasn’t amazing, the movie was standard, it was overly long for what it was, it was annoying, Ned grated on me, too, and yeah, I don’t know, it was just totally unnecessary, in my opinion. I also didn’t like the new suit essentially being a Spider-Man one with the same inside engine type thing as the Iron Man suit and (seriously, Karen????) and so super tech heavy?! I didn’t really have fun with this, either. Most times you can at least have some mindless fun, but this just felt forced.

I don’t really have much to say about this except that it was passable. Yes, put together well and all that, it still doesn’t make it a good movie, and still a totally pointless affair for me. And no, I do not think Hollander is the best ever Spider-Man, but he is good.

Review: Dunkirk (2017)

“Men my age dictate this war. Why should we be allowed to send our children to fight it?”
– Mr Dawson

SYNOPSIS: Allied soldiers from Belgium, the British Empire and France are surrounded by the German army and evacuated during a fierce battle in World War II. – via IMDB

So I went to see this in IMAX when it came out (I know, taking my sweet time to churn out reviews, but we are only just starting to settle in). First IMAX in years, and the first experience ever for my husband, and it was well worth it. I have been waiting for this for quite some time, because Nolan in a cinematic master who can do no wrong in my eyes. I was so excited to see his take o a war movie, and I was rewarded, greatly so.

Dunkirk is visually stunning. Every scene is masterfully crafted, and looks amazing. The fact that more practical effects were used over CGI again shows that practical is the way to go. It gives a sense of realism. I also appreciated how young the soldiers were, because it accurately depicts that they were essentially kids, trapped on a beach waiting for help, a doomed hope by all accounts. The movie does not mess around in terms of making you feel the plight of these men, and it is a heavy ordeal, one you are wholly and totally sucked into visually and with some phenomenal scoring. The performances all round were impressive, and even Styles brought the goods to the table, something I was so suspect about after his casting was announced.

The movie has three divisions, beach, sea, air, and they all take place at different times, ultimately coming together to tie the story up, and I think that was crafted and handled very well. Tom Hardy again demonstrates that he can out-act the best of them with just his eyes, and Jack Lowden was excellent as Collins, his scene of being stuck in a sinking jet something that is haunting and gets under the skin, something that lingers. Cillian Murphy has one extremely damaged character, and your heart just breaks for him, no matter what happens. Branagh is stoic and crushed, and you feel for them.

I felt that the movie was a little distant though, and the coldness worked for it in places, and worked against it in others. The only real characters that brought some form of heart, something for you to attach to, was Mr Dawson, Peter, and George. Like really, that was sad. Not that the plight of the soldiers, trapped like helpless rats, was not bad. That gets to you, and is hopeless and claustrophobic. It is heavy, and it is scary, and the minimal dialogue runs home the bleak situation, and Hans Zimmer again delivers a most perfect score. It really takes the movie experience to a whole new level. It’s all painful, and it sticks, but all these stories don’t have any real backing. Now this works to show you that these guys could be anyone, absolutely anyone, but because you don’t ever really attach to them, invest in them, they are just desperate men trying to get home, and that is where there is also a drawback.

While Dunkirk was masterfully crafted, visually stunning, contained solid performances and had an absolutely brilliant score, I do feel that it was just a bit flat in the sense that you don’t connect with it like you would hope. It is well worth a watch, and as I said, masterfully crafted and definitely something worth tripping out to the cinema for.

Rapid Review: Legend (2015)

“Life isn’t always what we want it to be.”
– Reggie Kray

SYNOPSIS: Focusing on the relationship between Reggie Kray and Frances Shea, told from France’s’ point of view as someone who knew him best, as well as the mental health issues Ronnie Kray faced and their rise to power as the notorious gangsters of London. – via IMDB

I have been waiting for this movie for sometime because, let’s face it, double Tom Hardy in a film? Sign me right up! And I don’t even say that just for… aesthetic purposes either, because that is something I have only very recently come to appreciate. Now, moving right on from that, let’s look at the movie itself. Okay, pit stop – how ridiculously hot is Hardy in a suit?! I know that Reggie was a bastard, fine, but damn, Hardy just physically made him massively appealing. Okay, okay, really now, back to the movie. I think that this movie gets way more flak than it deserves. I found it to be entertaining, and did not really paint these guys to be amazing or awesome or anything, because heck, they weren’t, but the movie shows these guys and their issues and how they are with each other, and it was highly entertaining to watch. I know it sounds awful, but Hardy’s turn as Ronnie Kray had me laughing at times. He was unstable, but when they went to that bar for the meeting and his immense displeasure at the lack of guns for a shootout really cracked me up. Hardy overall delivered a powerhouse performance of note here. We all know the man is immensely talented, we do, but to see him take on two roles, these twins, in one movie was something. On sight you knew exactly which Kray twin you were dealing with. He had mannerisms for both, styles of talking, the clothes, the posture, everything. I was completely amazed. Whatever people may think about this movie, it has to be seen for Hardy’s performances at the very least. Emily Browning is an actress that pops up on my screen from time to time, but not someone I actively seek out. I must say that I found her to be incredibly dull here. I must say that the writing may not be the tightest in the world, but I did not find it as scattered as some people have complained about. I followed what was going on, even though it did jump quickly from violence to humour to romance, I didn’t have a big issue with it. Not the greatest movie, not the worst movie, not deserving of the hate it receives – I liked it, I didn’t love it. I think it was a pity that this became a love story instead of really digging into the source material. There was just so much more potential to have worked with. I expected a gangster films with more, well, gansterness to it, not this romance stuff, but I will survive. Legend did not paint these brothers in a particularly good light at all, so while we may laugh and all, one cannot deny that these two were horrible. Oh well, you aren’t just a mobster in power for nothing, I suppose.

Okay, now, let me just get right down to this whole Tom Hardy… study.

How do you even resist this outside your window?!

Oh. My. Goodness.

The confidence. That is all.

Rapid Review: The Revenant (2015)

“My heart bleeds. But revenge is in the creator’s hands.”
– Hikuc

SYNOPSIS: A frontiersman on a fur trading expedition in the 1820’s fights for survival after being mauled by a bear and left for dead by members of his own hunting team. – via IMDB

So obviously you all know that I was super amped for this. DiCaprio? Sold! Tom Hardy? Sold. But DiCaprio. That was my main seller. Let me tell you, I was not in the least disappointed by this. It was brilliant. It is a long movie, but never really felt that way. The length just serves the purpose of really showing you how hopeless Glass’s situation was. It flips from a tale of survival to one of vengeance, each getting their moment to shine. Then there is the cinematography. Oh. My. Gosh. It told a whole story on its own and it was beyond beautiful to look at. There are lens flares all over the show, but it worked and didn’t annoy me (but then they seldom do, hence I never understand the flak that Abrams gets). Emmanuel Lubezki perfectly showcases the harsh and unforgiving conditions that Glass had to soldier through, but at the same time the breathtaking beauty was highlighted every step of the way. There were certain shots that I wasn’t a huge fan of, but that’s because it made my head spin and ache to try and match it, so there was that. Alejandro González Iñárritu truly realises a gorgeous film. The soundtrack suited the film down to a tee, and it all came together very well. But now on the the really big seller – the performances. They were all wonderful. Seriously, DiCaprio came in and owned Hugh Glass (but who in their right minds would have expected otherwise?). We felt for this guy, he captivated us, he drew us in with the story of his son (which, incidentally, was a major plus for me and then totally not a part of the real Glass’s life). I was backing this man all the way and I wanted to see him succeed. Credit is due to DiCaprio because his character is a man of exceptionally few words, and yet this did not stop him delivering one stellar performance. As for Tom Hardy? It was the first time I had actively despised a character of his (and he has played some dweebs), but this guy? What a douche! Domhnall Gleeson, who is just everywhere nowadays (my celebrity unsavvy fiancé even recognizes him by now), gave a damn fine performance, too, and was well worth a watch. Overall, this movie might not be for everyone due to the length and silences that fill the run time, but I feel that every aspect worked together well to draw you in and tell you a harrowing story of survival and a driving need for revenge with an absolutely stunning backdrop. Worth every second for sure, especially to see DiCaprio and Hardy united.

Review: Lawless (2012)

“It is not the violence that sets men apart, alright, it is the distance that he is prepared to go.”
– Forrest Bondurant

SYNOPSIS: Set in Depression-era Franklin County, Virginia, a trio of bootlegging brothers are threatened by a new special deputy and other authorities angling for a cut of their profits. – via IMDB

The movie was absolutely great. Truly brilliant. I know that a lot of people take issue with certain things in it, but I cannot tell you how I get when I sit down to watch Lawless. I am like a giddy child that got to pick out anything I wanted to watch. I can’t count anymore how many times I have seen this since the first time, but it gets better and better.

The cast is absolutely phenomenal, and carried this story, and each and every one of the actors and actresses in this is excellent. Tom Hardy is amazing. We all know that I adore the man, and Lawless is no exception. The man is a master and well worth watching – always. His portrayal of Forrest Bondurant is impressive. Guy Pearce is beyond reprehensible and Rakes truly gets under your skin. I have always admired Jason Clarke, but this is where I fell in love with him – Howard is insane, loyal, jaded, cuckoo crazy. Shia LaBeouf should be commended for his role of the youngest Bondurant brother, Jack. Why? Because, as cooked as he may be in real life, he is a solid and consistent actor. I thought he and Mia Wasikowska had lovely chemistry, and they played off of each other nicely. Bertha is just too damned sweet for words. Then I have got to talk about Dane DeHaan. I am a junkie, we all know this, and his portrayal of Cricket is wonderful. He is a character we all fell in love with, whom we adore because you cannot help but like Cricket, and it is easy to understand why he is favouried. Lastly, but certainly not least, there is Jessica Chastain. Beautiful, regal, Red. The moment she stepped onto the scene the Bondurants had no idea what was going on anymore, and I love how awkward the brothers could get around her.

I love the way the film was shot, it is beautiful and engaging, and the plot progression could not have been done better – not too long, not skipped over, every part is given sufficient time to make itself comfortable and relay the epic story of the bootlegging brothers. The score is perfectly suited, and I had such a blast with the humour in the film too. There is some heavy violence, but no violence just to be nasty. It all serves a purpose. I think by this write up you can tell that I am a huge fan of this and think that this film has a lot going for it, and I would highly recommend checking it out!

Sporadic Scene: RocknRolla (2008) – What Are These Guys Made Of?

RocknRolla was just one of those movies that had so many great things going for it. There was plenty humour, an excellent cast and it was shot really well. Probably my favourite scene of the whole movie is when Mumbles, One Two and Handsome Bob pull a job together against some Russian thugs. Well, these Russians didn’t really take too kindly to being done in, and started fighting back. Mumbles, One Two and Handsome Bob try their utmost best to flee. The Russians didn’t like that, either. The scene progressively gets funnier and funnier, and I am in stitches every time I see these guys and their crazy antics.

If you have a scene that you would like featured, drop me a mail at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com with a link to the scene and an explanation as to why.

Rapid Review: The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

“Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn’t see the light until I was already a man; by then it was nothing to me but blinding!”
– Bane

This was a brilliant way to conclude a brilliant trilogy! I know that Luke and I don’t necessarily see completely eye to eye on this one, but I still think it is really good. At least we can agree that this trilogy is a stroke of utter genius. Plus, Tom Hardy as Bane. I mean come on, like that wasn’t going to go down phenomenally. Tom Hardy was just an amazing Bane, and his role was simply flawless. Nolan again nailed that perfect mix in the villain, where you wanted to know more about him and see what he was going to do, but still held out that Batman would save the day. Christian Bale is, again, just the most perfect Bruce Wayne/Batman. Seriously. The way he embodies both the billionaire playboy and the Dark Knight? It’s awesome. However, as much as this movie got right, I am not going to pretend there weren’t flaws. The pacing was a little uneven, and there was some incredibly flawed logic thrown in here. For instance, I get that John Blake is intuitive and all, but just guessing Batman’s identity right off the bat was just too much for me, and there is also the issue with Bane knowing exactly where Applied Sciences was, though it is apparently “not on the books” anywhere, and not public knowledge. Also, I am not a fan of Anne Hathaway, and her Catwoman/Selina Kyle is someone that grows on you after multiple viewings, but is still not a character I enjoy a lot at all. Yeah, there were a few niggles, but so what? This movie is ridiculously quotable. My fiancé just doesn’t even know what to do with me… walking up staircases and he doesn’t turn on lights? “Ah, you think darkness is your ally.” Threatening someone? No sweat! “It would be extremely painful… for you.” My one colleague and I communicate a lot in Bane quotes (well, any movie quotes). It’s a problem, we know, yet we have absolutely no plans to change that. But truly now, Bane is awesome on so many levels (and so hot here – the ladies will understand this, though it was unexpected)! And there are so many quotes in this movie that beg to be used. One of my favourite things in this movie was the return of the Scarecrow. I adore Cillian Murphy and I am a big fan of his Dr Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow. I was thrilled to see him given more screentime this time around as opposed to The Dark Knight. Anyway, The Dark Knight Rises is another solid outing from Nolan, is really fun even though it is flawed, and closes one of the greatest trilogies of all time off properly. Go watch these all again immediately. Go on.

PS: I just remembered now – this movie was totally worth every second of my two week self-enforced internet ban prior to its release (I hate getting things late in SA)! It still remains a running joke, and Natasha still can’t believe I underwent something like that for a movie.

Rapid Review: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

“Once, I was a cop. A road warrior searching for a righteous cause. As the world fell, each of us in our own ways were broken. It was hard to tell who was more crazy… me… or everyone else.”
– Max Rockatansky

SYNOPSIS: An apocalyptic story set in the furthest reaches of our planet, in a stark desert landscape where humanity is broken, and almost everyone is crazed fighting for the necessities of life. Within this world exist two rebels on the run who just might be able to restore order. There’s Max, a man of action and a man of few words, who seeks peace of mind following the loss of his wife and child in the aftermath of the chaos. And Furiosa, a woman of action and a woman who believes her path to survival may be achieved if she can make it across the desert back to her childhood homeland. – via IMDB

The costume design and makeup was just… so perfect for this movie.

Fury Road is more bizarre than I can even describe, but it was just so perfect!

The action was incredibly well choreographed and the fights were highly entertaining.

Fury Road was stunning to look at, and all that dust and desert captures that whole dystopian future perfectly.

Furiosa was beyond badass. Much love here for the women holding their own, let me tell you!

Immortan Joe and some of the costume design and makeup was beyond creepy. Well done to the team for that! He was also one lunatic of a villain to be facing off against, sheesh. My fiancé thinks Immortan Joe was badass and awesome as hell.

There were all these inexplicable moments laced throughout it, and cracked characters laced throughout. What a lovely day? In the middle of an enormously dangerous car chase? I’ll say!

And then, of course, we all need to take a moment to appreciate that Tom Hardy will always just be glorious.

Wow! Yes, that’s it! Wow. I was beyond thrilled when my cinema still had this in for me to go and see (it is a miracle if anything is on longer than two weeks, and my pesky exams took up all my time when this was released and I was sure I was going to miss it on big screen). This is something you want to see on a gigantic screen, stretched out massively in front of you. Why? This might be like Gravity, and let me explain that statement. Like Gravity, Fury Road doesn’t really have an in depth or amazing story (come on guys, this cannot be denied) but it looks phenomenal and is shot well and is one heck of a trip and you want a massive screen for it. Gravity looked amazing, but with no story and a smaller screen, I think I lost some of the enjoyment. After reading many rave reviews for this, I was afraid I would be disappointed. I think knowing that there was no intense story saved me from being a little bit disappointed in the movie. Ultimately, Road Fury is an epic two hour car chase across the desert with insane costumes, a rock concert on wheels and the titular Max being a side character in his own movie (more so than usual). For all intents and purposes, that alone would have been enough to bring the movie to its knees, especially seeing as Charlize Theron would take up the bulk of the screen time. You should know how I feel about our fellow South African, so I was very, very wary about seeing her. But good gravy, believe it or not, she didn’t irritate me whatsoever, and she gave a damn fine performance for a badass character. Yes, I said that. She owned this role. Then there is Tom Hardy. Obviously I am going to talk about him. While he had virtually no lines and surprisingly little screen time, I thoroughly enjoyed him and really, Hardy truly has his gorgeous moments. Hmmmm. Nicholas Hoult was adorable, as always, and his character Nux was someone that was so nasty but redeemed himself wonderfully later, Barry and Larry and all. He stole the show whenever he was on screen There were so many cool things about this movie – like the throwbacks to the older movies – and a big awesome for me were the ladies being strong – very cool, seldom done. Junkie XL wrote a great score to carry the film and it worked every step of the way, and I loved how it tied in to the crazy guitarist on his amplifier and drummer podium (I cannot stress enough how entertaining that was, made me think of Brütal Legend) and the costume design was amazing all round. Then there were the cars. That was just… those designs. Between the costumes, the makeup and those terrifying cars, you must know that the movie truly was something to look at. Fury Road was more bizarre than I can really describe, it was crazy, but is was a stroke of genius, too, even with the lacking story – it was purely an all-out assault on the senses.

Rapid Review: Locke (2013)

“I’ll explain when I’m not driving and when I’m with you and Eddie together, you know? I, uh, I’ve only just explained it to myself.”
– Ivan Locke

SYNOPSIS: Ivan Locke, a dedicated family man and successful construction manager, receives a phone call on the eve of the biggest challenge of his career that sets in motion a series of events that threaten his careful cultivated existence. – via IMDB

I read so many good things about this movie, and I really, really like Tom Hardy, so I was really excited to finally get to see this. With my last few free  hours, my other half and I decided to watch something. He was insistent that he wanted to see something we hadn’t seen before, and it had to have an internet rating of at least 8, and recommended by people I trust. It was easy for me to pick Locke, then, seeing as I had heard so many great things. To start, Chop, this is so never, ever going to be your cup of tea, skip it. I wasn’t even bugged by the fact that the entire film takes place in the car, and Hardy is the only person you see. It speaks volumes about his talent as an actor that he can keep you there and keep you happy, you aren’t too bothered. He portrayed his character very well, I just didn’t particularly like Ivan. I understood his plight and all that, though it was trouble of his own making, and I respected what he was trying to do and all that, but this was another one of those cases where the movie just ends. Yes, granted, they sort of wrapped some things up before it (how he felt about his work/Chicago), but then there was a whole other section that was just… left. Like his wife, his sons, his living situation, the other woman, the whole shebang. I won’t lie, I read as little as possible about the movie before I watched it, you all know how I love to go into something with as fresh a perspective as I can wrangle, but I must be honest, this was nothing like what I thought it would be (my own preconceived notions), and it wasn’t exactly terrible, it just felt a little hollow by the end of it all. There are so  many moments where the films feels like it is on the precipice of something, and instead of giving us what we want, it just goes another way, leaving you with a really dissatisfied feeling. Well, for me, at any rate. I know a lot of other people thoroughly enjoyed it. I was just not one of them who loved it. I liked how he was still trying to pull his end of the contracting bargain together, no matter what happened, and Donal gave me a few smiles, but at the end of everything I was just underwhelmed.

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Nemesis (2002)

Well, here we are with the last of the Next Gen movies. There have been some decent entries, and some really meh ones, but aside from that, the whole project has been enjoyable, making even the bland ones tolerable. So… we all know that the Chop is not a Data fan (neither am I) or a supporter of Riker (though that I don’t really get), so how did he feel about this flick that featured a lot of both? Read on to find out what the Chop and I thought about this one!

SYNOPSIS: Captain Jean-Luc Picard and his crew return to battle a chilling new adversary… that just happens to hold a shocking link to Picard! In the wake of a joyful wedding between William Riker and Deanna Troi, Picard receives another reason to celebrate: the Romulans want peace and the captain will be the Federation’s emissary. But as the Enterprise heads towards Romulus, a brilliant villain awaits–harboring a diabolical plan of destruction and an unimaginable secret that will give Picard his most fearsome challenge. Shinzon, a Romulan-made clone of Picard, wants nothing less than the conquest of the Romulan Empire, the complete destruction of Earth and the death of Captain Picard himself. – via IMDB

Alrighty people. First, before I get into this, I just want to lament this for the other ladies. Now, understand, I am one that prefers a more slight guy, I am not into that whole Thor look and all, BUT Tom Hardy just looked ridiculous. I am so glad that he went from this:

to this:

Nevertheless, Hardy’s strange appearance did not detract from the fact that he delivered his character just fine, it’s just that the script could have been so much tighter and entertaining. Nemesis had such an entertaining concept that was (again) squandered.

Anyway, I actually don’t have much to say about this one. It wasn’t great, I wasn’t a fan, it was pretty long, but it did look fantastic, so there is that at the very least. It was predictable and brought nothing new to the table, though it had the potential to do so – why these films decided not to go the successful route with some of their plots is beyond me. I really liked the way this scene came together, and it was another destructive bit for the Enterprise that looked really good.

There was also the whole Data thing, which I thought was far too convenient. Meh,  not a fan of that. I was happy for Deanna and Riker, but really? The whole way to continue this movie with the honeymoon being lost laced through it?

I did have myself a little giggle though seeing Patrick Stewart having himself a blast in his little toy though.

Anyway, I’m finished now. There really is nothing to say about this at all, so I am going to stop trying to fish things out to say.

BUT I can put some more Hardy in for the ladies…

First off, I want to say this: Tom Hardy was weird looking when he was young and thin. I remember when I was watching LAYER CAKE (click that if you like) I tweeted those words and some chicks were like “BOOOOOO Isaacs, BOOOOOOO!” and “Go screw yourself, man!!!” and “YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!” but I stand by this. You can even see a few hate filled comments directed at me in the comments section of that post (not really, but still, love you Kidney!) But here we are again and, as much as I like genuinely like the guy, I present:

That’s right. That’s a still from Star Trek: Nemesis. He plays the bad guy in this one. He’s also a clone of Jean Luc. I don’t really remember why he’s a clone of Jean Luc but he is and he wants to destroy the Earth. Oh wait, now I remember, the Remans (Not Romulans) cloned Jean Luc to put him into Star Fleet and infiltrate from within.

Yep.

MMMM HMMM.

Word.

SEMPER FI!! DO OR DIE!!!!

Here’s mud in your eye!!

MY EYE!! MY FUCKING EYE!!!

But seriously, I wasn’t too taken with this one either. I will give it credit for having some EXCELLENT special effects and the scene where the Enterprise rams that Romulan ship was pretty fucking EPIC but I think this franchise was running out of steam by the time this came out and, despite how epic that scene was, it was rather gimmicky. I mean, at one point Picard, Data and Whorf are tooling around a desert in a fucking dune buggy like they’re all pro dirt racers and – conveniently, they happen to find Data’s twin brother who is REALLY named B-4. MMM HMMM.  I wonder if they’ll pull out their trump card and kill Data at the end of this and conveniently have a replacement handy?? Yawn. There’s also more singing in this one. What is it with song and dance numbers with The Next Generation???? Oh well, peace out, TNG.

We’ll say goodbye now and give you a really, really tight, elongated hug: