Review: Twilight – Stephenie Meyer

twilight-meyer

Twilight #1

Isabella Marie Swan moves from her mother in Phoenix to stay with her father, Charlie, in Forks, Washington. She is incredibly upset about this, seeing as Forks is dreary and rainy and horrible, but she wants her mother Renée and her new husband Phil to be happy together. Charlie has bought Bella a truck from an old family friend, Billy Black, and she loves it more than she imagined. Sulkily, she starts school the next day, which seems relatively normal until she meets Edward Cullen, who is more beautiful than just about any guy she has seen in her life, and he seems to hate her on sight. Bella does not understand this, and before she knows what is going on, Edward has stopped coming to school, and his family seems so removed from the other students that no one seems to know what is going on.

Bella is battling with all the boys in school asking her out, and she is not interested in any of them but Edward. Before long, Edward returns to school looking very different, and he actually starts talking to her civilly. Bella’s obsession deepens, though Edward does not seem interested in her, a plain Jane next to him. Her obsession does not change when Edward saves her from being killed one day by a speeding truck, which he seems to bodily stop, appearing beside her before it could possibly happen. Going to the beach at the Quileute Reservation with some friends at school, she reacquaints herself with childhood friend Jacob Black, who tells her a tribal tale of werewolves and vampires, naming the Cullens as the vampires the werewolves are to protect the tribe from. Bella starts making assumptions, and decides that Edward must be a vampire. He is too pale, his eyes change, he never comes to school on sunny days, not to mention the incident in which he saved her with superhuman strength and speed.

Again Edward saves her in the city one night, and they get to talking. Eventually he has to admit to her that he is not human, as she has ascertained this and does not seem afraid. The Cullens are not like normal vampires, and do not feed off of people. They hunt animals for sustenance. He desperately wants her to stay away from him to be safe, though it seems he is immensely interested in her. The two start seeing each other, much to the shock of the school. Bella meets the Cullen family, whom Charlie has a lot of respect for. On a family outing, after she knows that Edward is deadly and glitters in the sun, she joins the family for a baseball game which they can only play when there is a storm due to the racket they make when playing. A small coven consisting of James, Victoria and Laurent appear at the baseball game, and James becomes obsessed with Bella. He is a tracker, and he is going to make a meal of her. The Cullens rally to protect Bella, running her off to Phoenix, while Alice fields visions on what James is planning. James has an elaborate plan to draw Bella away from Jasper and Alice, and it might just work.

Will Bella take the bait and go to James? Will the Cullens be able to save her from him? Will Edward and Bella ever just have a simple and normal, happy relationship? Will Charlie be safe with the Cullens divided up between looking after her and him? Can they stop James and his plans?

GRADE 3.5Alright, so just to set the record straight, it was not my desire or choice to read these. I got bullied into it (I don’t think this is a fair trade – I recommend a few decent books to a friend, she insists that this is what I must read after she read three good ones). Anyway, getting down to what I thought of the novel, the biggest glaring issue for me is that Stephenie Meyer cannot write. She has no understanding of pacing. I mean there are plenty scenes that are squeezed in here and come across as unnatural and forced. It is like she knows what she wants to say, but has no idea what vehicle to use to convey it to the reader. Before reading these books, I thought Katniss Everdeen was the most annoying and selfish heroine I had ever read about. Boy, oh boy, was I mistaken. Then I met Bella Swan and I damn near chewed through my own wrists. She is more selfish than I ever realised. It freaks me out that it is teenage girls reading this and looking up to such a useless lump. Also, something that bothered me immensely, you would think that Edward would be more mature, considering he is like a century old. His character is incredibly inconsistent, and that annoyed me endlessly. When I read and think vampires, I think Count Dracula and Anne Rice type things. This is just awfully embarrassing to end up in the same lot. The relationship between Edward and Bella is bizarre, and lacks emotion and passion. They are obsessed, but not even in a passionate way, and they are all about suicide if they cannot be together. Stephenie Meyer keeps quoting Romeo and Juliet like she is giving us a modernised version, which is extremely annoying because this will never be on the same level. Bella and Edward are like petulant children together. The story offers nothing more than a girl completely obsessed over a boy and willing to throw her whole life away for it. Then… what is this bullshit that “normal” people can’t smell blood? It smells like freaking iron last I checked! Also, Bella has no character development aside from getting more and more obsessed with Edward, and then next thing you know she is adept at using people (Jacob Black). I rapidly got over reading about Edward, always in connection with the words perfect, beautiful and flawless. Seriously, is there nothing more to say about him than that? Bella’s blind acceptance about Edward is ridiculous, and really makes it even more difficult to identify with anyone, as if it wasn’t hard enough as is. Edward is really like a sulky, angry, churlish child. Meh. I couldn’t understand his insistence of someone knowing where she was or her insistence of lying about it to everyone. All she had to say was “hey, going out with Edward”, not “hey, going out with Edward the sparkly vampire and if I am not home and safe by six, get the stakes ready and come and get me”. Seriously Meyer, wtf?! Edward glittering in the sun in the book is the same as in the movie – throw in the towel and be done with this crap. Wow. Anyway, the “action” that comes by the end of the book again feels out of place and forced. I cannot say that it was a joy to read this book at all, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand how this became such a huge phenomenon. Alright, I will stop now, otherwise this will never end.

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36 thoughts on “Review: Twilight – Stephenie Meyer

  1. sidekickreviews says:

    I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I read this. No one forced me, I was just curious what all the fuss was about. The quoting of Romeo and Juliet gets worse in the next book (can’t believe I read that one too) 😦 lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      HA! As long as you don’t cough to reading Fifty Shades of Grey you should be okay 😉

      I know, jeesh that quoting drove me clean around the bend. This is NOT some epic love story to defy the ages, truly!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Natasha says:

    Dear Bkushi

    You reading these entertained me way more than it entertained you. Sorry you hated it so much though. My main beef with Twilight has always been that it teaches girls you get your identity when you get married and have kids. Meh.

    At least I would never make you read books I know you’d hate. I love you too much for that!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Zoë says:

      Kindest and Bestest Chemistry Kidney,

      LOL! Well then, at least there was some score somewhere hehehehe! I have got A LOT of beef with it, and that is a really big thing I had a problem with. Meh.

      I know. You are so good to me.

      #BestiesForever

      Bkushi

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Abbi says:

    I have to admit that Twilight was kind of a guilty pleasure for me. I knew it was bullshit but I ate it up from a purely escapist perspective. The films are horrendous though.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. vampireplacebo says:

    I enjoyed the series. Not anywhere near as good as the other vampire series I enjoy, but it was fun for what it was. Meyer had some interesting new ideas, I’m not on the bus of the sparkle-haters, I think it’s kinda a neat, new idea, something we’ve never seen.

    That said, Meyer can’t write for shit. You’re right. I know the book is supposed to be from the perspective of a 17 year old girl, but that doesn’t mean it should sound like it was written by a middle-schooler. What the hell were the editors thinking? I also got tired of hearing Bella say how beautiful Edward is. He’s hot. We get it. Move on.

    I’m a sucker for a supernatural love story, so despite the many (many) things wrong with the books (and films), I still had fun with them. As for the kids influenced by this stupidity, well… survival of the fittest 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      “…sound like it was written by a middle-schooler…” – HA! I love this, You are so right there!

      For an opening novel I was extremely underwhelmed. Eventually when I accepted that these were just going to defy reality and sparkle on, I dealt with things much, much better.

      LOL! Love it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. caragale says:

    LOL. Oh, Zoe. Oh, dear, what did you get yourself into with this one?! Yeah. It’s pretty wretched, huh? I’m ashamed to admit that I did go through a phase with these. I was young! I didn’t know better! Haha. Seriously, Bella is the worst role model for girls ever and Edward is the creepiest. I always felt bad for sad sack Jacob, but that’s all he ever was–a sad sack. Poor thing’s just depressed and pissed off all the time. Actually, that’s kind of how it is for all of the characters…Anyway, I’m sorry for your suffering. Are you putting yourself through the pain of the whole series?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. table9mutant says:

    Lol! God you hated this! 😉

    I have a confession to make. Yeah, I read all these fucking things! Bwahaha! Simple reads – it was like reading books for little kids but with a tiny bit of boring sex thrown in. I didn’t HATE them but she really is a terrible writer and Bella Swan is indeed one of the worst characters EVER. Yeah, I hate the thought of teenage girls seeing her as a role model. Ugh. Thing is, the movies are EVEN WORSE. Not that I watched them. Okay, maybe I did. All but the last one. Great review, Zoe! At least this probably only took you a couple hours to read. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. rgagne says:

    I just had to read and “like” your review because I actually OWN these books and read through them twice. (Sorry you can’t take my manhood card away because I lost it years ago.) I don’t know what it is that attracted me to the series and movies but I was drawn to them and loved them. I can tell you how the rest of the series ends so you don’t have to read the rest of the books 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      Revoking man cards? I am not allowed to just do that! There is a whole process involved 😉 I know you are a fan of these, and this is just a series I couldn’t quite understand. Why thank you for the kind offer, but I finished these all in just under a week between work haha.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Tom says:

    Oh, man! Hahah Zoe you just gave me great delight in this rant. I actually admit to thinking that maybe. . . *just* maybe, the source material was actually decent, and the on-screen adaptation fucked up a lot of stuff. But apparently that. . . is. . . not. . . the case. The book(s) sound just as horrible. Maybe worse, because you have to endure them for longer than 2.5 hours? (unless you read that quickly, which I could honestly believe. 🙂 )

    I think if these books are really this bad, that if Stephanie Meyer can get published — so can we!!!! Let’s do it! Let’s go and make an anti-Twilight trilogy and get famous!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      I am so happy to hear you have garnered such delight from my pain and suffering Tom 😉

      Ugh, the movies and the books are actually relatively on par, sad to say :/ Who knew? These were really quick to read though.

      YES! I agree! Start writing! Immediately!

      Liked by 1 person

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