Rapid Review: Halloween: Resurrection (2002)


“You failed, Michael. Want to know why? Because I’m not afraid of you.”
– Laurie Strode

SYNOPSIS: Three years after he last terrorized his sister, Michael Myers confronts her again, before traveling to Haddonfield to deal with the cast and crew of a reality show which is being broadcast from his old home. – via IMDB


GRADE 1Holy crapsticks. I know this movie gets a lot of hate, and you know what? Totally justifiable. Like really. I remember this one from when I was younger (I was itty bitty when this came out, so obviously we were checking this out as teens), but what a waste of a film! I especially do not like the fact that it negated the end of H20, which was damn near perfect, and then totally peed all over the Laurie/Michael thing, and the way Laurie was handled here? Criminal. This movie has such a super long, bland title credits opening that I was already regretting this. Something I did think about in this one more than any of the others movies is how we never actually wonder too much about how Michael passes the time between hunting down Laurie/some doomed bloodline. Seriously – what does he do? Where does he get his information? It’s not like he chills at the library or goes to the DMV or anything. Like there were fresh spices in the house now – granted, most likely put there by Dangertainment – but all I could picture was Michael like this:


I know, right?! Anyway. Resurrection touts two disjointed stories – the opening with Laurie and Michael, and their messed up family history, and then this stupid found footage/explore the Myers house on Halloween angle. Ugh. They both sucked. The dialogue is cringe-worthy, and the camera work is shoddy. Plus there was the constant splicing of found footage in here, which felt gimmicky, and you know how much I love found footage. Also, the lead was constantly screaming, which just annoyed the heck out of me. And she didn’t know how to use a chainsaw, which is not the most shocking, but when it is the only thing between you and life or death, make it count! Michael Myers also had a crappy mask in this one, no lies. Hands down the worst sequel of the bunch. The others were fine, but this thing? A disgrace, a mess, a wreck. I totally get why it is so reviled. Pfffffffffff.

Rapid Review: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)


“If you want to stay handcuffed to your dead brother, that’s fine. But you’re not dragging me along. Not anymore.”
– John

SYNOPSIS: Laurie Strode, now the dean of a Northern California private school with an assumed name, must battle the Shape one last time and now the life of her own son hangs in the balance. – via IMDB


GRADE 8Heck yeah! I really liked this one. I feel that the sequels in this canon have been okay, but I outright loved this one again. I had a total blast. Michael Myers was sort of a different kind of beast here, different than what we have seen from him so far, but creepy as heck. I liked the story and the plot progression, even though I feel there were flaws. It took a moment to get used to this working in a different timeline from the last, but in a way I thoroughly enjoyed it because it meant no messy explanations trying to shoehorn Jamie in, or how Laurie wasn’t around, or why the son got preference. It just makes for neater storytelling. I really didn’t like Michael’s mask in this one – it made him look super stupid. It was the eyes. The pacing was good for this, and keeps you hooked from the off. The setting was also fantastic – rich boarding school? Heck yeah! I was also a fan of the throwbacks that were in this film, always worth it, and I enjoyed the little bit of humour that was mixed all about in H20. A lot of focus is placed on the emotional issues of actually surviving Michael (explored using Laurie), and how her trauma has affected those around her (son and relationships). It was quite something to see her come out of her shell a bit and fight back against Michael. Goodness knows this is a showdown we have been holding out for! Anyway, I thought that H20 looked good, it was entertaining, had all the relevant tributes, was creepy and had more scares, was pretty well acted, and most importantly, it was fun. Worth a watch, and an awesome memorial movie.

Rapid Review: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)


“I knew what he was, but I never knew why.”
– Dr Sam Loomis

SYNOPSIS: Six years after Michael Myers last terrorized Haddonfield, he returns there in pursuit of his niece, Jamie Lloyd, who has escaped with her newborn child, for which Michael and a mysterious cult have sinister plans. – via IMDB


GRADE 6I only saw after watching this that it was eventually ruled non-canon, and that’s okay. This was a bit of a messy movie, because there were distinct sections that had possibility, and some of it was realised, and some of it was not. For one, I will always love Pleasence as Loomis, his character is core and so important, and he seems a little more in control of himself in this movie, although it seemed he was given a significantly smaller part. I also liked the fact that we saw a little more of the Strode family – not Laurie’s direct peeps, but the uncle and his family. Speaking of, that uncle was a tosser, and I shed no tears when he was wiped out. Then there is the plot line of bringing Tommy back (Laurie’s charge when she was babysitting in 1978), and I had absolutely not objections to it being the looky and super adorable Paul Rudd, who was an extremely awkward turkey here, but I liked that. I also think it was a good way to look at what happens to people in the wake of a Myers encounter. I think the Halloween sequels get way too much flak, as they are not even remotely as bad as most horror sequels go. Myers was omnipresent again in The Curse of Michael Myers, which at times annoys me because it leaves me asking why and how all the damn time. Also, there was this whole thing about Myers and a mark and some cult and all that, and I was not pleased by this business, that’s for damn sure. It was just silliness, what with symbols that mimic constellations on Halloween, and sacrifices. Pfffff. Too much whishy washy now, if you ask me. Sometimes this movie was shot well, and then other times it was messy and too much flashing and it was too busy on screen. While this is by no means a spectacular film, it is nonetheless entertaining in a ridiculous and silly way, and is certainly different from the other films in this canon. A whole lot different.

Rapid Review: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)


“They know that Michael Myers is her uncle and that she attacked her foster mother, that’s why they fear her, especially on Halloween.”
– Dr Sam Loomis

SYNOPSIS: It is exactly one year later since Michael Myers returned to terrorize his hometown of Haddonfield, and his long-lost niece, Jamie Lloyd. Now, he wants revenge! Young Jamie, who has lost her ability to speak since attacking her foster mother, has developed a telepathic link with her demonic uncle. The ever resourceful Dr. Sam Loomis has realized this, and plans to use it to finally put an end to Michael’s rage. But unbeknownst to them, a stranger has come to Haddonfield, and he is a key factor in the outcome of the madness that has plagued Haddonfield on Halloween for over ten years! – via IMDB


GRADE 6The Revenge of Michael Myers starts off with Michael Myers, and how he escaped the end ordeal of the last movie, and displays almost instantaneously that Myers really is a force of nature. This dude is unstoppable and single minded, only wanting to exterminate his entire family. I was quite confused as to how Jamie was still fitting in with everyone, then I established she did not kill foster mama last time, but still, the fact that the family is still so supportive is pretty cool. Something I have got to ask why the heck Haddonfield has not banned the sale and wearing of the Michael Myers costume?! It is beyond me, and how these kids are going to get themselves shot at some point. Anyway. Dr Sam Loomis is again painted the crackpot, and while the man might be going a little cuckoo (in his own obsession with Michael), he is also the only one that knows what the heck is going down at any given time, and yet people ignore him. But he’s been right every time?! People, come on! He has a viable track record! I thought the friendship between Jamie and Billy was absolutely adorable, really! I thought that the story for this one was a little bit disjointed, and the flow was not as smooth. I also didn’t find this one to be a particularly chilling or scary entry at all (but that laundry chute scene was great), though it was mindlessly entertaining. Oh, let’s talk about the touching moment between Jamie and Michael later in the movie (Jamie calling him uncle and wanting to wipe away his tears). It was so out of place, but sweet, and then it was just all gone, so fast. Anyway, I thought that the movie was alright, although far weaker than the other movies in this canon. Still decent for a movie night binge though!

Month of Spooks 2016: Top Ten Scream Victim Deaths


So Markus of The Marckoguy announced that he was planning to host a Month of Spooks in October, and wanted guests to participate. I was all over this – and he gave me free reign, too. So I sat around, thinking hard about what it is that I wanted to do for this. I didn’t just want to do a review, I didn’t want to do a standard top ten of favourite horrors/jump scares/monsters, something like that. I was thinking about Walter White, and his constant demand to “be specific”.

Then it dawned on me that I could totally use this as an excuse to rewatch the Scream movies again, and this time finally do that top ten list I have wanted to for ages – the top ten victim deaths of the Scream movie series. There are a ton of grisly deaths throughout, so many to choose from, and I am narrowing the list to ten. So many were typical stabbings to the death, but some stood out. Some made this list because they were favourite characters. Oh well.

Scream 3 (2000) Directed by Wes Craven Shown: Ghostface

Needless to say, please note that this post will contain spoilers for those who have not watched the scream franchise.


15. Cotton Weary (Scream 3)

How? Stabbed brutally to death.
Was there a phone call before? Yes.
Gore Rating: 6/10. Cotton’s realisation that it was finally over was something to see, even though it was relatively by the numbers.

 14. Principal Himbry (Scream)

How? Stabbed, gutted, and hung from the school goal posts.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 5/10. He was stabbed multiple times, but it wasn’t particularly gory or gross. I think it is how it happened (with the Freddy Krueger hallway conversation), and that you later hear he was gutted and strung from the goal posts. Gives it more kick.

13. Hallie McDaniel (Scream 2)

How? Multiple stab wounds to the chest.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 6/10. It was savage and fast and hectic considering she had climbed over Ghostface to her “freedom”, but tame compared to some of the brutalities that other characters suffer.

 12. Officer Richards (Scream 2)

How? Attacked by Ghostface, then stabbed and run over, with a steel rod being rammed through his head when the car came to a stop.
Was there a phone call before? Nope.
Gore Rating: 8/10. It was pretty damn gory in comparison to a lot of the quick stabs we have seen in the majority of the franchise. While it was all those things though, I was certainly not attached to the character, so gory as it was, it was not a shocker.

11. Phil Stevens (Scream 2)

How? Stabbed in the neck/ear in a bathroom stall.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 6/10. Let’s face it, you shouldn’t have your ears up on a manky bathroom stall to eavesdrop on the neighbour, but nobody expects to be stabbed for eavesdropping. Plus two – being killed by an actual Ghostface at a movie premiere about these killings?

official top ten scream victim deaths:

10. Jennifer Jolie (Scream 3)

How? Stabbed to death in a secret room.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 6/10. This was quite the kill, considering she was desperately trying to break down the two way mirrors in the room to get to Gale and Dewey, and was discovered just as the killer disposed of her. Plus she really irritated the crap out of me, so to see her taken out just so I didn’t have to listen to her anymore thrilled me.

9. Olivia Morris (Scream 4)

How? Stabbed to death and gutted.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 8/10. While not the most probable slaying (and seriously, that blood was all wrong), it was still disgusting and it was angry.

8. Detective Hoss and Deputy Perkins (Scream 4)

How? Hoss stabbed in the back, and Perkins in the forehead.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 7/10. These ones were a little different from the average stabbings of the series, and it also had a dash of humour to it, too. Yes, I am aware of how that sounds. But anyway, Hoss goes down, and before Perkins can really do anything, he gets stabbed in the forehead and stumbles about.

7. Kenneth Jones (Scream)

How? Throat slit, later dumped atop the news van.
Was there a phone call before? Nope.
Gore Rating: 6/10. Clean slice through and lots of blood all around. No further mutilation – very efficient kill.

 6. Derek Feldman (Scream 2)

How? Strung up and shot in the chest.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 6/10. Derek was just hanging around there, trying to sort of sober up, shake his head clear, pleading with Sidney to save him, and then bam, shot right in the chest. With his girlfriend watching, witnessing that he was so not guilty.

 5. Tatum Riley (Scream)

How? Death by doggy door snapping her neck trying to escape while the garage door was opening.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 7/10. The entire concept of having your head pretty much ripped off while in midair will just never, even be appealing.

4. Kirby Reed (Scream 4)

How? Stabbed twice in the abdomen.
Was there a phone call before? Yes, sirree. One for the horror buffs for sure.
Gore Rating: 7/10. This one was bad because, well, let’s face it, I was totally gunning for her and Charlie. For reals. And she was so emotional about it, and he was so cold. God dammit, why?! Potential hope that she isn’t dead – we never actually saw her after. The conspiracy nut in me is hoping this could be like when Dewey “died” in the first movie, and just waltzed back in Scream 2.

  3. Randy Meeks (Scream 2)

How? Dragged into the van by the latest murderer, attacked and stabbed to death.
Was there a phone call before? Heck yes there was. Randy was never going down without a call.
Gore Rating: 7/10. This was probably the most unforgivable death in the franchise. Who didn’t love geeky Randy Meeks? I expected to see more of his death, not just the snatching and quick stabbing, but his corpse later showed it was quite the attack. Not cool guys!

2. Maureen Evans (Scream 2)

How? Stabbed to death in a movie theatre while desperately trying to flee the killer. The moviegoers thought it was part of the Stab marketing campaign, and so she was not helped.
Was there a phone call before? No.
Gore Rating: 9/10. This is probably one of the most iconic kills in the franchise after Casey. It was brutal and cruel, and a girl died in front of hundreds of moviegoers, screaming and alone.

1. Casey Becker (Scream)

How? Brutally stabbed, eviscerated, and hung from a tree in her yard.
Was there a phone call before? Only the most harrowing of the entire franchise.
Gore Rating: 10/10. It totally set the tone for the Scream films – it was merciless, cold, and it was brutal and gory. No death in the franchise matched this one.

So there we have it folks, ranked and ordered!

Rapid Review: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)


“We’re not talking about any ordinary prisoner, Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs.”
– Dr Sam Loomis

SYNOPSIS: Ten years after his original massacre, the invalid Michael Myers awakens and returns to Haddonfield to kill his seven-year-old niece on Halloween. Can Dr. Loomis stop him? – via IMDB


Because someone was so kind as to show exactly where the mask came from.


GRADE 6.5And so we see the return of Michael Myers (entire pun intended), and I was pleased. I honestly think that this movie is better than people give it credit for. Sure, there are flaws, but it is a horror/slasher flick and they are always riddled with such things. Looking beyond that, I would like to point out that the acting is pretty damn solid all around, especially from Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell, and Donald Pleasence. They really do own this, and Harris impressed for such a young girl. The music was not as effective in this one as previous installments though, which was a pity. I enjoyed the throwbacks that were peppered throughout the film. A big one for me was Jamie sporting the clown outfit – seriously, this Myers family, man! Michael was more brutal in this one and definitely more supernatural than ever before, though my favourite rendition of him (so far) is still the first one. I was really happy that Loomis was (surprise surprise) not dead after Halloween II. Watching this, I was just horrified to (again) see how messed up kids are –  the kids that bullied Jamie, as well as Brady jumping ship from Rachel the moment she had to babysit. You asshole. Speaking of – that provided the teen drama angle here. I am still not sure how I feel about the end – a stroke of genius, or just super sudden and uncalled for? Jarring? This was another suspenseful slow burn, not too much gore, but did not focus on the atmosphere a heck of a lot. I think this movie gets way too much flak – while it is not brilliant, it is not a bad sequel, and it is plenty entertaining.

Rapid Review: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1983)


“It’s almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don’t miss it. And don’t forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It’s almost time.”
– Commercial Announcer

SYNOPSIS: Kids all over America want Silver Shamrock masks for Halloween. Doctor Daniel Challis seeks to uncover a plot by Silver Shamrock owner Conal Cochran. – via IMDB

There was a lot of this:


And not enough of this:


GRADE 2What the fuck?! I’m sorry, I can’t even be civil about this! What the hell was the meaning of this?! This is the only movie in the Halloween canon I haven’t watched (I have seen all the Michael Myers ones), so when I popped this in, I thought I was getting a new film on Mikey. Well, no. I guess not. I spent the next 100 minutes having my teeth kicked in. Like, you know when a movie is so insulting you are actually offended when it is over? That was this hunk of junk for me. My husband (who luckily did not have the misfortune of watching this crap with me) spent the rest of the night laughing at me and my shock, horror, and incredulity that I had actually watched something this useless. This is Shitfest bad! Gosh! Okay, let’s even forget that there is no Michael Myers, and just go by the merits of the film – it still blows. I really tried to like it (because I love old school horror, so initially I was not phased by Myers being absent – this still had potential). There was this ridiculous “romance” squeezed in, which I think was just there to cover some sex for the movie (no jokes). The relationship was really creepy and forced, too. The movie had no idea where it was going, and stumbles all over the show while trying to find its feet. Sadly, that meant I was stumbling with it. It takes forever to sort of uncover what the bullshit story line was for this, and it is filled with superbly unlikable characters, so it is glaringly obvious that there is no solid story line because you don’t even like these people enough to chill with them while you figure it out. The writing is absolutely godawful, and there was so much illogical crap going down at any given moment, I just couldn’t anymore. Like, I see what they were going for here, but there was just way too much wrong with it. Just because this movie tosses in a few scenes of the last two Halloween movies in it on the TVs in this movie, does not mean I am okay with it being in the franchise, Let’s talk about the last bit of this movie – how many fucking times can it try to kill this guy and have him escape?! I know that is a common theme for horrors – but this surpassed the average rate exponentially. Anyway, useless movie that is bad even if it wasn’t ill placed in the Michael Myers canon, and one that I would highly recommend you skip.