Top Ten Actresses I Would Watch In Almost Anything

So when Abbi over at Where The Wild Things Are did her top ten list of actresses she would see in pretty much anything, that sparked a whole new thing on the blogosphere. Now, I am embarrassed to admit that I started this list soon after she did hers, and I just never got around to going back to it and finishing it up. I realised recently that now is the time to do that! Without further ado, I present to you my top ten actresses I would see in pretty much anything.

Emma Stone

emma stone

Where is the love: She is cute, she is smart, fun, and sexy and so normal, you cannot help but love the girl. She is down to earth, and not afraid of making a fool out of herself, and that is always cool.
Best role: Wichita in Zombieland (2009)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: The House Bunny (2008)

Angelina Jolie

angelina jolie

Where is the love: So many people complain about Angelina Jolie and I’ve never been able to understand it. She is exceptionally talented and wicked sexy, and works hard. She’s a (big) family woman, which is cool, yet she’s still grounded and out there. Plus she and Brad Pitt are just like the most gorgeous couple ever.
Best role: Uhm… this isn’t easy. I am going to go with Jane Smith in Mr & Mrs Smith (2005)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

Marion Cotillard

marion cotillard

Where is the love: That voice, the way she carries herself, the distinct regal air, Marion Cotillard was destined to impress me. Not only that, she can handle herself in just about any role, but I must say that she excels at playing the slightly psychologically unstable.
Best role: Mallorie “Mal” Cobb in Inception (2010)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Taxi 2 (2000)

Eva Green

eva green2

Where is the love: Talented and beautiful, Eva Green brings it all to the table. Oozing style and sophistication, she is captivating on screen, always bringing that extra little something to a character, and she isn’t afraid to go wherever the character may take her, even when that is Ugliesville.
Best role: Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale (2006)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: The Dreamers (2003)

Jessica Lange

jessica lange1

Where is the love: Jessica Lange is just awesome. I really like her stuff, and I think she is mesmerising and she’s still got it going, even for her age. She dominates the screen whenever she is on, and can play anything from timid and quiet to in-your-face vixen.
Best role: Fiona Goode in American Horror Story: Coven
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Far North (1988)

Judi Dench

judi dench

Where is the love: Let’s be serious… Judi Dench is just so British, and she embraces it wholeheartedly. Tea and biscuits British, and above all else, she is a solid and entertaining actress. She can play a variety of roles across the board, ranging from comedy to hard-hitting, take-no-nonsense powerhouse performances such as M, she never fails to impress me.
Best role: M in any Bond film, but also Evelyn Greenslade in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2012)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: The Importance of Being Earnest (2002)

Carey Mulligan

carey mulligan

Where is the love: She is so cute and quiet, but can always deliver an understated but powerful portrayal of a character, and I like that talent.
Best role: Irene in Drive (2011)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: And When Did You Last See Your Father? (2007)

Helena Bonham Carter

helena bonham carter

Where is the love: Ditzy, crazy, talented, striking? What’s not to love about Helena Bonham Carter? She embraces all her roles and lends them some of her quirkiness, and she is always just absolutely astounding to watch, no matter what role she is in. Something about her is just so inherently different.
Best role: Marla Singer in Fight Club (1997)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Dancing Queen (1993)

Mia Wasikowska

mia wasikowska

Where is the love: Mia Wasikowska won me over with her portrayal of Bertha Minnix in Lawless (2012). After that, I kept my eyes open for her films because she is gifted and different, and brought something fresh and new to the screen (in my opinion). She has continued to churn out some consistently impressive work, and she has this air of innocence about her she can use to either define a character, or manipulate the audience with.
Best role: India Stoker in Stoker (2013)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Lens Love Story (2007)


Honourable Mentions:

Julianne Moore

julianne moore

Where is the love: I love Moore for her consistency, and how much effort she puts into her roles. I like the way she has played such a variety of characters, and she has given each and every role her best.
Best role: Clarice Starling in Hannibal (2001)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Nine Months (1995)

Cate Blanchett

cate blanchett

Where is the love: Blanchett is so refreshing in her sense of uniqueness, and brings that to life on the screen with every role that she takes. She draws you in no matter what her role, and can play anything from elvish queens to folk rock stars.
Best role: Jade Quinn (Bob Dylan) in I’m Not There (2007)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Ponyo (2009)

Katharine Isabelle

katharine isabelle

Where is the love: Katharine Isabelle is undoubtedly the horror queen (for me) and she dominates that role. Husky voice and those big green eyes, she was destined to rock any role thrown her way. She is a solid actress, never over the top, delivering just the right amount required for her performances, able to play weak or bitchy or in your face, Isabelle is very talented.
Best role: Mary Mason in American Mary (2012)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Cousins (1989) 

Mélanie Laurent

melanie laurent

Where is the love: French and proud about it, Laurent always manages to play a brooding yet strong woman, slightly different, always impressive.
Best role: Shosanna Dreyfus in Inglourious Basterds (2009)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Rice Rhapsody (2004)

Vera Farmiga

vera farmiga

Where is the love: I think that Vera Farmiga is pretty underrated, and I like her. Very subtle, but she can totally rock her roles. I must say, she can get pretty creepy sometimes cause she can play cooked a little too well.
Best role: Norma Louise Bates in Bates Motel. Because really – she nails that performance each and every time. Slightly too realistic sometimes.
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: Breaking and Entering (2006)

Amanda Seyfried

amanda seyfried1

Where is the love: What I enjoy about Amanda Seyfried is that she’s a little different. I don’t know why she would appeal to me as an actress, but she does. I have enjoyed watching her play the super special and slow Karen in Mean Girls, and her general progression on to other roles, bigger, better, meatier, is something I have liked. She always does the best with what she has, and even when she is in a crappy movie, she always stands out.
Best role: Karen Smith in Mean Girls (2004)
The one even she couldn’t convince me to see: The Big Wedding (2013)


Sporadic Scene: Axis of Awesome – Four Chord Song

Not necessarily the regular Sporadic Scene, and I am sure that a whole lot of you have seen it. If you have, have a great watch again. If you haven’t, this is surely a gem that it worth checking out!

If you have a scene that you would like featured, drop me a mail at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com with a picture/gif/video of the scene and an explanation as to why (should you want to include it).


Rapid Review: Prince of Darkness (1987)

prince of darkness poster

“Hello… Hello… I’ve got a message for you… and you’re not going to like it.”
- Wyndham

SYNOPSIS: A research team finds a mysterious cylinder in a deserted church. If opened, it could mean the end of the world. – via IMDB

prince of darkness movie green spew

GRADE 7Continuing with John Carpenter’s Apocalypse Trilogy, next in line was Prince of Darkness. I thoroughly enjoyed The Thing last week, and you will all hear about In The Mouth of Madness next week, but what did I think of this one? Well, I watched this movie with Chop Eric because he is so partial to it (as in five top hats partial), and as much as I enjoyed this, I definitely didn’t appreciate it on the same level as he did. However, I did have an absolute blast watching it with someone who adored it. Now, it cannot be argued that John Carpenter is a phenomenally awesome horror director, I just wanted more from this. The cast did well with their material (except that I wanted to even out Jameson Parker’s porn ‘stache – it was too long on one side, and it gave my eye an OCD tic every time I saw him), and the score worked, too, and provided me with giggles at times because it could be pretty cheesy. Typical of a horror, not too much logic going into things sometimes, but it definitely had more thought go into it than your average film in the genre. I absolutely loved the concept they explored (Jesus was an alien?! When did this happen?!) and how it came to be that Satan was locked in a box and what not, and I enjoyed the effects of the trippy green water dripping upwards. Purdy! Also, there was some Alice Cooper in here with spans of face powder but no eye makeup for a change, but still as douchey as ever. There were some great scenes in here (particularly looking at the dove that was crucified at the bottom of the staircase – disgusting as it sounds, I know), and the bugs were nasty. Prince of Darkness was a slow burn movie, and that isn’t something I have an issue with, as I am sure you all know. Sometimes the pace was a little all over the show, and (though it most likely wasn’t the case when it came out), there were some pretty predictable places. I had a good laugh more often than not, because there was some sharp humour from time to time, and I was sure I was looking at Mr Miagi until the Chop rained all over my parade there. Oh well, what must we do? There is a lot of seriously 80s stuff going on in this movie, too, but it works for it. The effects, again, were excellent for the time, and the film looks good and is shot well. I could definitely recommend checking this out, especially if you are into horror flicks!


JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Generations (1994)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lookie here!! This is my third post in a row to host over here on TSCOABB (pronounced sko-ab for those in the know) (the T is silent). Well, maybe it is, maybe it’s not – I just made that shit up. Now we enter the Next Generation phase and, like I wrote below, these certainly aren’t my favorite movies or crew. I guess I just never really identified with them like I did with original gang. I thought Data was kind of a Spock rip-off and I just never got into Ryker. I wonder if JB liked this?? Let’s see!

star trek generations poster

SYNOPSIS: In the late 23rd century, the gala maiden voyage of the third Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701-B) boasts such luminaries as Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott and the legendary Captain James T. Kirk as guests. But the maiden voyage turns to disaster as the unprepared ship is forced to rescue two transport ships from a mysterious energy ribbon. The Enterprise manages to save a handful of the ships’ passengers and barely makes it out intact… but at the cost of Captain Kirk’s life. Seventy-eight years later, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-D find themselves at odds with the renegade scientist Tolian Soran… who is destroying entire star systems. Only one man can help Picard stop Soran’s scheme… and he’s been dead for seventy-eight years. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty, I am going to be dead honest here: I am not a fan of the Next Gen movies. Sorry people, but it is true. I find them to be… meh… I think a large part of that I am going to blame on Data irritating the absolute hell out of me all the time. Apparently I am seriously in the minority on my opinion there, but I really don’t care. He sucks more often than not! Generations was most certainly a less irritating outing for him though.

star trek generations enterprise

I know that this one is definitely one of the better Next Gen films, but I was still not bowled over by it. It was great to see Scotty, Kirk and Chekov, however briefly, before moving on to the meatier side of things, but I just felt that this was a bit of a missed opportunity. There was so much that just felt rushed, and then other stuff that just took forever to go anywhere. Like Picard’s nephew dying, it was a serious thing that was almost just swept under the rug as though it was unimportant. Confused me endlessly, I won’t even lie.

Sadly, my favourite bits all featured the original members. Chekov taking command and making nurses of random people made me giggle, though the situation was supposed to be serious. I also could not lend credibility in the Enterprise just leaving Spacedock, magically encountering a problem moments out, yet are able to say that nobody else is close enough to go on ahead and sort it all out. That Enterprise wasn’t even actually ready to leave Spacedock at all, it wasn’t equipped with just about anything, but they are supposed to go ahead and answer distress calls. Mmmmhmmmmm. Sure.

I am, however, a fan of Patrick Stewart, and I did enjoy his character of Picard. I just think that it is a little more difficult when the majority of the crew members are just there for me, and not necessarily people I like. They weren’t people I got involved with at all, and I don’t feel like they contributed anything of value to the story. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a Kirk fan per se, but the rest of the crew from the original films was awesome! I suppose we will see if anything changes and anyone grows on me some more this time around, but I am not so sure.

star trek generations data yes

Kirk’s ultimate write out was just a little… meh. It was embarrassing and fast and not the kind of goodbye you would expect after all this time. I suppose I wanted more. This movie had a really weak premise, a lot of lull, other arb stuff just happening. I think I was just let down because I expected more bang from having the two captains together. That alone had the potential to just be awesome, and it never happened. Oh well, let’s see what the next one brings next week!

the chop

Hi. I don’t know if I am going to take any shit for this or not but… I never really got into this particular franchise… I know this is one of someone’s favorite TV SHOWS, but when this came out I had just turned 16 and was more interested in tooling around town trying to pick things up.1 That never really worked2 so in the end I had to go get a job so I could pay for gas and would sometimes catch these on re-runs late at night when I had come home from doing some underage beer drinking in the parking lot behind work (and failing to make out with anyone)3

So – this being the case – I am not TOO familiar with the TNG universe aside from 26 year old drunken memories of late night TV and having the hots for Marina Sirtis.4

SIRTIS1

Obviously, I’d seen this one because this is the one where Kirk dies5 but I’d only seen it the one time and wasn’t particularly impressed6 but I gave it another shot yesterday and…. yeah, sure…7

sirtis3

I think one of the things that really puts me off of TNG is Jonathan Frakes.8 I just can’t buy into him as a tough leading man. I also really can’t stand Brent Spiner and there was a LOT of Data in this movie.9 I do like the rest of the cast though, minus Whoopie Fucking Goldberg10 and the story was solid, but in the end I just felt like this was OK and, I’m not too familiar with the show but how about some of this:

sirtis2

I might need to check that episode out. Anyway, when I said I was watching this for our big project on twitter, the Nutter11 I linked to earlier said something like “DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY ANYTHING NASTY ABOUT PATRICK STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I said of course I wouldn’t because I love the guy and Jean Luc Picard is a stud. So, I figured it would be appropriate to end this with a little bit of this:

sirtis4

1 Chicks
2 DSB (See: Star Trek 3)
3 IBID
4 DSB Cure-All! (Patent Pending)
5 SPOILER!!!!
6 Not Arsed
7 IBID
8 IBID
9 Emotion Chip Bullshit
10 GROW SOME EYEBROWS WOMAN!!
11 What a Wanker


Review: Warm Bodies – Isaac Marion

warm bodies book cover

R is not your usual zombie – something is different about him. R misses things like words and conversation and the ability to read. This is certainly not how the Dead think and operate, but R is different. One day when out “hunting” with another pack of zombies, they fall upon a group of the Living who are on a Salvage mission. While a bloodbath ensues, R murders Perry Kelvin and takes his brain. The brain is the one thing that gives the Dead some memories of the victim’s brain they are consuming – their version of dreaming. While he is savouring Perry’s memories, he sees the romance between Perry and a girl named Julie Grigio “Cabernet”, who happens to be on the salvage mission. Something is triggered in R, and he protects Julie, and takes her back to the airport R and his fellow dead call home.

Julie is initially really freaked out, but soon realises that R is a little different. While he struggles to say much, he can string a word or two together from time to time, enough to tell her that he will keep her safe. Julie grudgingly accepts this, and tries to find a way to live at the airport until R returns her to her father. R finds that he is rather attracted to Julie, something that does not even make sense to him, seeing as he is Dead and she is Living. R is also hiding the knowledge, buried deep away, that it was he who killed Perry. He doesn’t think that Julie will react too well with this.

R and Julie develop a friendship together. One day, this friendship is almost disrupted when Julie attempts to leave the airport and is cornered by a group of the Dead, who are intent on eating her. R saves her, and the Dead seem to allow this. The Boneys, some strange and bizarre leaders of the Dead, are not happy, and make it clear that whatever is going on between R and Julie will not change anything. R is noticing some changes in himself, and realises that he is stringing more words together in a coherent sentence, and is expressing things more than his Dead mind ever allowed. He attributes this to Julie. Eating more of Perry’s brain gives R more of his memories, but it also seems to be making Perry a part of him. R is definitely changing, and he isn’t the only one. It seems that he and Julie have set something in motion, though neither is sure what, or what they will do with it.

What is generating the change in R? Will it affect the other Dead? Is this deadly plague coming full circle? What have he and Julie done, and how will it affect the apocalyptic world the Earth has become? Are they a cure? Is R just weird? Is Julie just too hopeful? Is it just Perry’s brain that R is consuming that is leading him to believe that he loves her, and that he can protect her?

GRADE 6.5I recently watched Warm Bodies and had no idea that it was based on a book, until Cara of Silver Screen Serenade asked if I knew that. I said no (obviously), but offered to give it a test run and see what I thought. Warm Bodies was quite a fast read, I will give it that, and not a bad one while we are at it. There were things that I did not like about the book (some characters weren’t really that well developed) and the plot was a little slow sometimes, but overall it was definitely not a bad read. I loved the pictures at the start of all the chapters (yes, I know that has nothing to do with the content, but it is worth noting cause it looked really cool). R was still great in here, very entertaining. The humour that was sprinkled throughout this was enjoyable, too. I was not a particular fan of Julie. She had her moments, but there was also something about her that set my teeth on edge, so that naturally put me off of her a little bit. Perry was such a broken and damaged individual. I liked the way that Marion worked Perry into the story without him actually being a character, but more of like… a moral compass and/or voice in R’s head. One thing that annoyed the hell out of me was the lack of question marks. Half the times those were questions, not statements. It means it closes with a “?” – just saying. I would love to call it a minor thing, but it really wasn’t for me. I think the writing style was just a little off. Marion certainly provided another outlook to the zombie myth that there is, and I actually had a pretty good time with it. R’s thoughts were interesting to read, and I absolutely adored the way he communicated with snippets of music, it was lovely. I must admit that the first half was more entertaining for me than the second half, which seems to be a common complaint here. However, it is pretty sweet. As much as I enjoyed this, I cannot see myself rushing to read it again, but I can say it is worth the read if you don’t have anything else that needs your immediate attention.


Top Ten Dongs I Never Need To See Again

Hello Sporadians!! The Chop here today reporting that I recently went and saw GONE GIRL and I really liked it but, I also have to report that I saw two too many dongs in that thing. I mean really!! So, as I am casually known as the Boobs and Blood guy, I was inspired to put together a Top Ten list of people’s dongs I never need to see again as long as I live.

10. The guy from THE PERFUME OF THE LADY IN BLACK.

Through a series of flashbacks we learn that this man wearing only an undershirt and NOTHING else has his way with this lady’s mother, and then turns his intentions to her as a young child. Nothing graphic is shown in the form of what happens to the youth but, as the man dismounts her mother, his sausage comes with him, Flopptiy Flop. Gross.

DONG10

9. Sylvester Stallone’s salami from THE ITALIAN STALLION.

MMM HMMMMM Yep. Rocky did a porn. How do I know this? I learned to read at a very young age and one day I was reading the paper, looking at the movie section and saw that a new Rocky movie had been released called THE ITALIAN STALLION (which is Rocky’s nickname). I guess, after ROCKY was so successful, they re-released it out to unsuspecting viewers like my mother who was ROCKY’s biggest fan. So, off we went and the thirteen year old ticket taker didn’t give a fuck what he was doing so there we were. We didn’t stay long. I see on IMDB it’s now called THE PARTY AT KITTY AND STUD’S. Nice.

DONG9

8. Terry O’Quinn’s wiener in THE STEPFATHER.

UM. Didn’t expect that! After he murders his family, he barbers his own hair, shaves his beard and exposes himself to the camera while getting in the shower. Thanks but no thanks, guy from Lost.

DONG8

7. Dr. Manhattan’s low hanging torpedo from WATCHMEN. (That link is NOT to WATCHMEN).

You’d think that when they head to Ozmandias’ HQ up at the top of the world that there would be some shrinkage there, but NOPE.  Dingle Dangle Dingle Dangle.

DONG7

6. Scrotey’s Lil Pee Pee

Zutsonians who don’t read my site probably won’t get this reference so you might skip over it. Scrotey is one of my oldest friends. One night, back when I was a single dude living in an apartment, he came over so we could go out and do something. When he arrived I was talking on a telephone with my manager at the time. I guess he got impatient since I wasn’t paying him any attention so he poured a glass of water from the sink tap and put his dong in it and showed it to me.  That was kind of an awkward pause in the conversation with my female manager.

DONG6

5. Luke Abbott ORACLE OF FILM.

I don’t believe there’s anything else that needs to be said on this topic.

DONG5

4. Neil Patrick Harris’ Willie from GONE GIRL.

REALLY???? A bloody weenus from NPH??? Also – why was he chosen to be the guy who bops that crazy bitch in the movie?? Him??? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

#NeilPatrickHarrisWeiner

DONG4

3. The guy with the moustache that’s been in every porn I’ve ever seen.

I’ve never seen a porn but this guy has been in almost every one I’ve ever seen, including Brian Johnson’s wedding video. For real, pop in a porn and he’ll be there. I think, I’ve never seen one.

DONG3

2. Marky Mark and his enormous hog leg from BOOGIE NIGHTS.

UM. Yeah.

DONG2

1. Bruce Willis’ Little Finger from COLOR OF NIGHT.

I mean, not only was this one of the worst movies I saw during the 90s. but I also had the unfortunate opportunity to view Willis swimming around naked, Dong, Taint and all. I mean REALLY??? What does he think he is, FRENCH???

DONG1


Sporadic Scene: The Silence of the Lambs (1991) – Put The Lotion In The Basket

If you have a scene that you would like featured, drop me a mail at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com with a picture/gif/video of the scene and an explanation as to why (should you want to include it).


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