Rapid Review: Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)

exodus poster

“Remember this. I am prepared to fight. For eternity.”
– Moses

SYNOPSIS: The defiant leader Moses rises up against the Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses, setting 600,000 slaves on a monumental journey of escape from Egypt and its terrifying cycle of deadly plagues. – via IMDB

exodus charge

GRADE 3So you know, when the trailers came last year I thought this looked alright, like it had potential. There were some big names attached to it and all that, I was under the impression Ridley Scott could do something with it. However, when I popped it in and saw the running time, I was a little sceptical. You have to be bloody brilliant to keep me entertained with a story for that long, but you know what? This is a movie based on the book of Exodus. Shit went crazy there, so I was sure that this would be alright. Oh my gosh, was I ever mistaken! For one, I have absolutely no idea what Bible Scott read. No jokes, seriously. I mean, it must be some special secret edition or something. That movie was not very loyal, at all (last I checked, one of Moses’s big selling points was that he could move water, not wade through it). It was long, oh so very long. It felt like it was never going to end, and it wasn’t getting to the point, either, which was even worse. Let’s pretend, for instance, that this was not some biblical epic, but just some film. Crazy concept, a war between brothers, help from a higher power, some extreme violence… well, the costumes looked like crap, the film was shot badly, everyone had a grating accent, there was no character development (and yes, I said that), what the fuck was Jesse doing out in the middle of the desert again, and why did everything look cheap and icky? Not only that, the hardcore plagues we came to see? Hustled through in about fifteen minutes. The battles from the trailer? Please, they were all there, nothing new in the film really. The logic was also incredibly flawed (all those Hebrew slaves magically outfitted with horses and the ability to waltz off and train and do their thing whenever they wanted, just for starters, as well as being crushed by an ocean. It means you’re dead, especially when you are in the middle of it). Also, there was nothing particularly emotional to identify with or any reason you would root for anyone. I know, I know, it looks like I am being harsh. Honestly, I read a lot of bad reviews on this, but I was still willing to give it a chance, I really was. Sitting down and watching it was just a really painful experience, though, and I really would not recommend it to anyone. Even when trying to look at this as a story that is not from the Bible, it really just falls flat, and there were crazy deviations from the book of Exodus throughout… no. I didn’t like this, I really didn’t. Plus there were some sketchy effects. Overall, pretty sucky, Bale and all!

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22 thoughts on “Rapid Review: Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)

  1. Natasha says:

    BEst one

    hahahahahahahhahaaha ” I mean, it must be some special secret edition or something.” hahahahahaha

    I need to find time to see this. You know, I can’t see anything ever being a worse adaption than Noah last year, but hey, it seems possible!

    loved the review!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      LOL! No truly, it must have been!

      I am glad you had such a good idea. I am still seriously on the fence about watching Noah eventually. Maybe one day…

      This was pretty awful.

      Like

  2. abbiosbiston says:

    What a load of old shit! I had exactly the same response to you with the slaves just wandering off and doing their own thing. To be honest no matter which Bible Ridley Scott was reading the original story is so ridiculous I think it would have been nigh on impossible to make anything vaguely watchable out of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      Bwahahahahaha! Ah lady! I always do so love your commentary. No ways, this movie was freaking ludicrous and there was just so much wrong with it and the logic… my oog het gehop.

      Like

  3. snapcracklewatch says:

    This sounds and the trailers looked awful. Like why waste your time Ridley Scott, stop wasting your time trying to make movies that “look” cool and spend more time on the damn script. I am sure his budget is big enough that he can hire a good writer!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. caragale says:

    Yeah. This is…pretty much how I imagined this one. Lol. I’m sorry you had to find out the hard way. What a shame that Bale decided to attach himself to something like this. :/ Good review nonetheless!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. returntothe80s says:

    Thanks for suffering for us! 🙂 I actually just started watching Noah recently because it is free on Amazon Prime. I got sidetracked about 30 minutes in to it. I have not been motivated to get back to it yet. And now I just signed up for Netflix, so I am watching Daredevil and the final season of The Clone Wars instead. It sounds like this Exodus movie is just as bad as Noah. They turn off religious people with taking so much liberty with the script. And non-religious people would already not be interested. The perfect formula for making a flop.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zoë says:

      Well, if it saves you guys from wasting precious time, then I feel that I have done a good deed! I have avoided Noah because my best friend reacted terribly to it, and I trust her. I took the dive for us on this one, unfortunately. Ah, Daredevil! Now that is one great way to spend your time for sure!

      Fail-safe flop formulas for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

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