JB & The Chop Do: Saw (2004)

Folks! WE ARE BACK! I am so excited to announce the latest in our “JB & The Chop Present” series! Eric of The IPC and myself love to tackle some franchises (and some are certainly superior to others), and the Chop thought it was about time we took on the Saw movies, and so here we are. We do hope that you enjoy our latest offering, and we do hope that we survive this run! Although, whatever this franchise brings, I am sure that, unlike the Amityville movies, it will not terrorize my soul for all of eternity.

SYNOPSIS: Two strangers awaken in a room with no recollection of how they got there or why, and soon discover they are pawns in a deadly game perpetrated by a notorious serial killer. – via IMDB

Who the hell knew, back in the day, that when Saw was released, a tiny budget horror, that it would evolve into a massive horror franchise? I sure as hell don’t think either Wan of Whannell thought it was going to go down the way it did. And just look at the success it (unthinkably) garnered!

I remember when Saw came out, it was a right big deal because it touched on some really gruesome shit and had a small budget. Saw works in the sense that, for such a small budget film, it looks good, the areas/sets are mostly contained, and the movie essentially plays out in a deserted, creepy bathroom and a few other select sets, and still it manages to keep you engaged. It was also different that there was more story attempt than your average film of the torture porn variety. Then again, if we are being serious, it wasn’t until subsequent movies that the franchise became all about that.

I have no idea what the heck happened to Elwes. I think everyone looks at him and thinks of The Princess Bride. He was in fine form there – sassy, young, cute. Here? Eish. Not so good, man. There was definitely an issue with overacting here. The dialogue, while stinted at times, was not as bad as usual for a horror, though the acting makes it cringey more often than not. Okay, it cannot be denied that there is a lot of weird, inexplicable things going down in this movie. One of the biggest things? I will never really understand why Jigsaw is running around in a fucking silk boxing robe (for reals), it was something that really got to me.

Danny Glover was relatively underused here, considering the movie is more a thriller than a horror, with a mystery being systematically uncovered. I thought that it was handled quite well, having us wonder, then giving us just a touch of information, then leaving us hanging again. What was wrong with the movie though, and this cannot be overlooked, is that it was significantly longer than it needed to be, and could have been tightened up a little lot.

Danny Glover returning as a cop did amuse me, and I was wondering if he really wasn’t too old for this shit, but his character was one that I enjoyed, and one I could understand going off the deep end, what he went through and witnessed was pretty crazy.

Natasha reckons this review should just read:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! Blood, blood, blood.

I thought I would add this here just for her:

She is still in shock that I would even watch this whole franchise. No, blood, guts, and gore are totally not her forté. Lol.

The plot twist at the end of the film isn’t a bad one, and certainly one that was handled quite well throughout the film, and definitely surprised most people. It is one of the stronger aspects of Saw, though it is flawed. Saw has a cult following, and all that started with this first film, which I think was really well done for the unknown duo, Wan and Whannell. For horror fans out there, I am sure that this is a movie you have all seen and (sort of) enjoyed – if not the whole thing, aspects, certainly.

But let’s be very serious here – this movie is not the most memorable. There are certain things you are going to remember, the things that shock. The rest? The reasons? It all fades away.

Anyway, one down, the rest of the torture porn dominoes to go!

I haven’t seen this since it came out on DVD back in 2004 and the only thing I remember about are two things ones a big spoiler so I won’t mention it. The other is the thing with the foot so I’m going into this fairly blind especially since I was probably pretty stoned when I watched it. Let’s see what we’ve got.

The acting in this opening segment is pretty poor.

Ah jeez, Cary Elwes… what’s become of you??

Elwes has a pretty shitty American accent

This Leigh Whannell guy is a TERRIBLE actor

HAHAHA!! He gave them tapes to listen to! TAPES!! I wonder if JB even knows what a tape is!!?? I remember having to re-spool those fucking things all the time…

The name of this game is to kill Adam! WHOOP!

Disgusting. Digging your hand in a shitty toilet is never ideal.

That’s almost as gross as when Danny Glover shit on Tracey Morgan and he got it all over his face in Death at a Funeral…

SAW SAW SAW those chains! That’s not going to work, buddy.

Elwes sure is being overly dramatic here. “He wants us to cut through our feet!”

This movie is very noisy…

This guy sure does plan out these execution games thoroughly. He must have a lot of free time….

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo – Elwes is the doctor working on Jigsaw while he is dying in the hospital? How is Jigsaw out doing these “games” if he’s dying of colon cancer in the hospital?

Ah Danny Glover… we hardly knew thee….

Elwes has a lot of lipstick on in this scene… someone should fire the make-up guy

Speaking of Elwes, my mom used to think I looked like him back during his skinny Princess Bride days and my skinny youth days…

I see we have an escapee from the Jigsaw Killer! Get it girl!

OOO – and our first look at his mask. Nice fucking bow tie. Jerk!

This lady is doing some good eye acting.

Did I mention this is REALLY FUCKING NOISY??

Is he riding a…………. tricycle?? That’s not very sinister…

As I pause for lunch, I notice I still have over an hour left…

So wait – knowing what I know – they just discovered the two way mirror and they cut to a guy watching a video feed of them in the bathroom. He waves and sings “I see you”… are they hinting this is Jigsaw?? Spoiler: we know that’s him playing dead on the floor, right?? Who the fuck is this guy??

Oh wait, Danny Glover is still alive!

Monica Potter!

A pager!!! A pager!! Nice! Technology rules. BEEP BEEP BEEP.

You’d think that dead body in the middle of the room would be pretty stinky by now…

OK – maybe Jigsaw isn’t hospitalized and was just in for his colon check. Everyone loves fingers up their butts! Right? And cameras!

So Jigsaw has killed one guy (I guess they technically kill themselves) for trying to kill himself, one guy for being a voyeur, and tried to kill one lady because she used drugs. Very motivational.

Danny Glover and his Asian looking cop buddy may have cracked the case!

Here he is. The Big Reveal. Too bad he’s wearing a cowl so we can’t see his face.

WHOOPS! I don’t think Glover is going to make it.

Asian Cop just shot Jigsaw! WIN!! Too bad – a booby trap takes down Asian Cop once and for all! His law enforcing days are over. WIN!

I guess Glover is going to make it after all… WIN!!

AHA – the person watching the video is NOT Jigsaw. WIN!!!

A flip phone! Cigarettes! Cryptic notes! Lame-ass voice-over!

it took until exactly 1:00:14 until something creepy finally happened. Yawnsville. And I still have 42:00:53 left to go.

Why is this movie an hour and forty five fucking minutes long?

The inaugural JB AND THE CHOP WORST FAKE DEATH EVER award goes to Leigh Whannell (ED: I agree!!!!! Jeesh!!!!!)

The inaugural JB AND THE CHOP LAME FLASH AND WHINE: OVERUSE OF A CAMERA FLASH IN A DARK SETTING TO INDUCE SCARES

This tet-a-tet in the toilet and the constant cut of flashbacks are getting old….

Wait? Where did these two random pictures come from? Have they just been there on the floor the entire time??

The mystery of how Jigsaw can be in two places at one time is solved! Zep!

These guys aren’t very good at gunplay… FAIL!!!

Elwes isn’t very good at crying in an American accent. Jesus Christ this is embarrassing for him. This is getting to be almost as bad as Keanu Reeves in Knock Knock.

There’s a LOT of action going on as we lead up to the Big Finish.

Here we go!! Off with the foot!!

OMG the acting here… it’s wretched……

Now he’s not even trying to mask his accent…

He’s off to get help before he bleeds to death! I wonder if he makes another appearance in this series since he survived? I wonder if he went home to his trailer for the evening, knocked back some Brandy snifters and thought, “Elwes, old cock, you did some good acting today!”

The Big Reveal!!

LOL – I thought he had colon cancer the entire time but it’s actually BRAIN CANCER! I FAIL!!

Well – the last few minutes were pretty good. I wonder if Adam will make a return?? Or will he starve to death .like the prison rat he is… Overall I think this was OK. Maybe it’s because I really watched 12 years after it came out. It wasn’t as gory or violent as I remember and it as really noisy in some parts. High Tension was a lot more ickier and I think it came out around the same time. Most of the acting was absolutely wretched. I’m still not 100% on the whole plot (spoilers):

Elwes is Jigsaw’s brain doctor. Zep is an orderly at the hospital Elwes works in. Adam is a guy who was paid by Glover to go around taking pictures of Elwes. Jigsaw is a person who likes to teach people lessons about their humanity because he is going to die of brain cancer and they don’t appreciate what they’ve got going for them. Sooooooooooo:

Jigsaw makes Zep drug and trap Elwes and Adam in a shitty toilet and: Elwes has to kill Adam ORRRRRRRRRRRRR they can cut their feet off and escape. If Elwes doesn’t kill Adam, Zep will kill Elwes’ wife and daughter. In the meantime, Jigsaw lays perfectly still on the floor for over seven hours without moving one single time, Hmmm.

I guess it’s not the worst but I’m already not sold on all of these movies. Hopefully some of them get better??

Sporadic Scene: Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) – The Commercial

The Commercial… there is not much else to say about this except that it was classic. Martin Riggs informs half the precinct that Murtaugh’s daughter Rianne is making her television debut in a commercial, and when Murtaugh arrives home, the family is just too excited to check out the commercial. However, the commercial that Rianne stars in shocks the hell out of Murtaugh and provides extreme laughs all round.

If you have a scene that you would like featured, drop me a mail at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com with a link to the scene and an explanation as to why.

Rapid Review: Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)

“Since I met Riggs, I’ve had my house destroyed, my car wrecked, and now my boat sunk. What’s left?”
– Roger Murtaugh

SYNOPSIS: With personal crises and age weighing in on them, LAPD officers Riggs and Murtaugh must contend with a deadly Chinese crimelord trying to get his brother out of prison. – via IMDB

I had a good time with this one. I thought it was a really cool way to bring them all together, to let us know that they are, indeed, getting too old for this shit, while never actually having any of this be annoying as hell. The fact that they addressed these things was awesome, and I am a huge fan of the way that the cast was kept consistent from the first movie all the way through to the end. That is something rare for ongoing film franchises. It’s the little things like that that can really make some things fantastic. Anyway, Murtaugh and Riggs are back in action, and naturally, wrong place, wrong time gives them their latest case, what with a lot of people being smuggled into the country. Riggs is adjusting to life with a pregnant Lorna, and Murtaugh needs to deal with the fact that Rianne is pregnant and unmarried. Chris Rock is brought in in this movie, and I was not his greatest fan, though him and Leo together did give me quite the giggle. Jet Li performed some pretty awesome martial arts, so it was something to see someone stand up against Riggs, who has never really had competition in that field, except maybe from Lorna. Danny Glover and Mel Gibson share more of that awesome chemistry, and you can really buy into them being these really tight cops with family-like bonds. Plus, Murtaugh and all his money was something that really had me giggling when the truth finally came out. Really, well done. This movie had more plot than the last one, though not an awful lot more. Whatever the case, it is far more memorable. I had a really great time watching these movies again – pure, simple entertainment. Overall, flaws and all, Lethal Weapon 4 was fun, more of the same formula that works, and quite a nice way to close off the franchise, despite what many have to say about it.

Rapid Review: Lethal Weapon 3 (1992)

“When you retire, you’re not just retiring you, you’re retiring us.”
– Martin Riggs

SYNOPSIS: Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh pursue an arms dealer who is a former LAPD officer. – via IMDB

Yep, the boys are back. That is what I can say, and that I had a lot of fun here, too. Murtaugh is damn near about to retire, and his retirement will not only affect himself, but Riggs, too, which he didn’t take into consideration. They are still out there, causing trouble, pissing off the world, causing immense amounts of destruction while chasing down their leads, but it works. Again, Riggs meets a woman, but unlike Rika, who I felt was placed in the film purely for sexual reasons as well as to tie in the murder of Riggs’s wife, I think that Lorna is equal to Riggs and the one woman who can take his crap and give him hell. Leo Getz makes his return again, and at times his inclusion is good, other times he is simply annoying, once again. There is much enjoyment while watching the movie, but I must say that a week after the fact it just doesn’t stick with you quite the same way the previous two do. Not because it isn’t good, because it is entertaining, it just doesn’t come together as smoothly as the others – and the plot? Pretty much non-existent. The jokes came thick and fast though, so there was plenty to laugh at, and Murtaugh and Riggs show us, once again, why they are super tight. Gibson and Glover manage to work wonders with each other, and keep it fresh, convincing, and entertaining every step of the way, and they just click. I suppose that also helps to make this such an enjoyable watch. Rene Russo contributed to the story and wasn’t just some bimbo hanging around and I liked her. Trouble seems to follow Riggs and Murtaugh around constantly, but I am not complaining. Without them being so tight with Murphy, we wouldn’t have these movies then 🙂 Murtaugh’s retirement was something I was worried about. No ways, the dream team needed to work together still! Maybe later it could all stop! Thank goodness it was addressed though. Plus the Murtaugh family’s “retirement” board and countdown was classic. Overall, a fun, silly watch with a flimsy plot, but still does the job.

Rapid Review: Lethal Weapon 2 (1989)

“You are not dead until I tell you!” 
– Roger Murtaugh

SYNOPSIS: Riggs and Murtaugh are on the trail of South African diplomats who are using their immunity to engage in criminal activities. – via IMDB

I must say that I enjoyed this one, though I was shocked, too. Now that I am older and I understand the nature of my country, to see a film focused so heavily on South African baddies pre the fall of Apartheid was heavy. Now, if you’re from South Africa, just about any movies that refer back to our country way back in the day are bound to peeve you. They are usually stacked full of white guilt and terribly done, too, or done by people that don’t get the history so it becomes a hollow experience. Well, Lethal Weapon 2  didn’t try to be a very serious drama or anything. In fact, it took South African dudes as the bad guys and their awful racial biases and gave us a comedy. There are ridiculous accents (yes, Luke, it is an age old problem) to boot, though they did get some of the pronunctiation down, and I laughed at the Afrikaans tossed in there. I was shocked at the rate the k-word was dropped because here, by us? Say it in the streets. I dare you. Either you are going to get your ass handed to you or you are going to land up fighting a massive legal battle. True story. The plot was alright here, and I liked the small little things that they did to make it authentic for the South African bad guy – how dangerous the country was then (when Murtaugh went with Leo to “move” to SA) and the shipping containers being “Transvaal Lines” and the Afrikaans cussing… very cool. I actually laughed with Murtaugh at his final joke for the movie – racial punning but it was funny. I am probably going to be shot. I liked the reveal of more of Riggs’s past and the death of his wife, that was a little heavy. I was a huge fan of the partnership between Riggs and Murtaugh, obviously, and there were so many things that made me laugh (that commercial!), which is something I really value in a movie. Joe Pesci is introduced here, and while his character irritated me at times, I think he worked really well overall. It is such a cool thing for me to see how tight Riggs and Murtaugh are, and how Murtaugh’s family has taken Riggs in. He really is a part of them. The humour was good, the action was well worth it, there was some cheese, pretty fucking thin ideas and crazy shootouts and investigation techniques. The plot wasn’t bad either, and there were some pretty intense South African throwbacks. Overall, I think that this holds up really well after all the years, so definitely an action film to check out and enjoy!

Rapid Review: Lethal Weapon (1987)

“I don’t make things complicated. That’s the way they get, all by themselves.”
– Martin Riggs

SYNOPSIS: Roger Murtaugh is an aging family man and sensible veteran police officer just trying to make it through the day unscathed. Martin Riggs is a suicidal loose cannon cop who doesn’t care if he even lives to see the end of the day. Reluctantly thrown together to solve the mysterious murder of a banker’s daughter, the unlikely duo uncovers a dangerous ring of drug smugglers employing ex-military mercenaries. After a tragic turn of events, the mission becomes personal and the mismatched investigators must learn to trust one another as they wage a two-man war against a deadly criminal organization. – via IMDB

I know, it looks like I am having this massive Mel Gibson run on my blog at the moment, but that really isn’t what this is all about! I just so happened to buy the Lethal Weapon collection box set on special recently, and my Fridays needed filling. What better, honestly, than these? Well, off we go. Lethal Weapon is a real eighties action, buddy cop movie, and it is awesome. Watching it you can understand why it is so popular. The dialogue is sharp and witty, the action is over the top at times but always entertaining, the bad guys are crazy, the cop shop is something else, we have two partners who don’t want each other, a plot involving drugs and murder, and it all comes together quite well. I was entertained from the off, and Mel Gibson was perfectly cast here. His Martin Riggs really is just a little too crazy, never really conforming to the mould, completely bonkers, but he works it. But dear lord, a mullet is never going to look good. I will never, ever understand it. Then there is Danny Glover, and he is the perfect counterpart of Mel Gibson. He is the right age for his role, he is hilarious and works wonders as Murtaugh – he genuinely had me laughing. The humour is awesome, and the partnership between Riggs and Murtaugh is wonderful. Their “pretty fucking thin” investigation style provides endless entertainment, and the development between the two cops is well worth the watch. They aren’t immediately friends, but they warm up quite quickly, though they are worlds apart. Something I noticed in this movie that really drove the age of it home for me was a magnet/sticker on the Murtaugh family fridge: FREE SOUTH AFRICA. END APARTHEID NOW. Wow. That was before I was even born! Anyway, Lethal Weapon has held up incredibly well after 28 years (OMG) and is well worth the watch, whether for the first time or for a rewatch, you just can’t go wrong here!

Oh, and for the laughs, this is seriously one of my favourite scenes: