JB & The Chop Do: Saw (2004)

Folks! WE ARE BACK! I am so excited to announce the latest in our “JB & The Chop Present” series! Eric of The IPC and myself love to tackle some franchises (and some are certainly superior to others), and the Chop thought it was about time we took on the Saw movies, and so here we are. We do hope that you enjoy our latest offering, and we do hope that we survive this run! Although, whatever this franchise brings, I am sure that, unlike the Amityville movies, it will not terrorize my soul for all of eternity.

SYNOPSIS: Two strangers awaken in a room with no recollection of how they got there or why, and soon discover they are pawns in a deadly game perpetrated by a notorious serial killer. – via IMDB

Who the hell knew, back in the day, that when Saw was released, a tiny budget horror, that it would evolve into a massive horror franchise? I sure as hell don’t think either Wan of Whannell thought it was going to go down the way it did. And just look at the success it (unthinkably) garnered!

I remember when Saw came out, it was a right big deal because it touched on some really gruesome shit and had a small budget. Saw works in the sense that, for such a small budget film, it looks good, the areas/sets are mostly contained, and the movie essentially plays out in a deserted, creepy bathroom and a few other select sets, and still it manages to keep you engaged. It was also different that there was more story attempt than your average film of the torture porn variety. Then again, if we are being serious, it wasn’t until subsequent movies that the franchise became all about that.

I have no idea what the heck happened to Elwes. I think everyone looks at him and thinks of The Princess Bride. He was in fine form there – sassy, young, cute. Here? Eish. Not so good, man. There was definitely an issue with overacting here. The dialogue, while stinted at times, was not as bad as usual for a horror, though the acting makes it cringey more often than not. Okay, it cannot be denied that there is a lot of weird, inexplicable things going down in this movie. One of the biggest things? I will never really understand why Jigsaw is running around in a fucking silk boxing robe (for reals), it was something that really got to me.

Danny Glover was relatively underused here, considering the movie is more a thriller than a horror, with a mystery being systematically uncovered. I thought that it was handled quite well, having us wonder, then giving us just a touch of information, then leaving us hanging again. What was wrong with the movie though, and this cannot be overlooked, is that it was significantly longer than it needed to be, and could have been tightened up a little lot.

Danny Glover returning as a cop did amuse me, and I was wondering if he really wasn’t too old for this shit, but his character was one that I enjoyed, and one I could understand going off the deep end, what he went through and witnessed was pretty crazy.

Natasha reckons this review should just read:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! Blood, blood, blood.

I thought I would add this here just for her:

She is still in shock that I would even watch this whole franchise. No, blood, guts, and gore are totally not her forté. Lol.

The plot twist at the end of the film isn’t a bad one, and certainly one that was handled quite well throughout the film, and definitely surprised most people. It is one of the stronger aspects of Saw, though it is flawed. Saw has a cult following, and all that started with this first film, which I think was really well done for the unknown duo, Wan and Whannell. For horror fans out there, I am sure that this is a movie you have all seen and (sort of) enjoyed – if not the whole thing, aspects, certainly.

But let’s be very serious here – this movie is not the most memorable. There are certain things you are going to remember, the things that shock. The rest? The reasons? It all fades away.

Anyway, one down, the rest of the torture porn dominoes to go!

I haven’t seen this since it came out on DVD back in 2004 and the only thing I remember about are two things ones a big spoiler so I won’t mention it. The other is the thing with the foot so I’m going into this fairly blind especially since I was probably pretty stoned when I watched it. Let’s see what we’ve got.

The acting in this opening segment is pretty poor.

Ah jeez, Cary Elwes… what’s become of you??

Elwes has a pretty shitty American accent

This Leigh Whannell guy is a TERRIBLE actor

HAHAHA!! He gave them tapes to listen to! TAPES!! I wonder if JB even knows what a tape is!!?? I remember having to re-spool those fucking things all the time…

The name of this game is to kill Adam! WHOOP!

Disgusting. Digging your hand in a shitty toilet is never ideal.

That’s almost as gross as when Danny Glover shit on Tracey Morgan and he got it all over his face in Death at a Funeral…

SAW SAW SAW those chains! That’s not going to work, buddy.

Elwes sure is being overly dramatic here. “He wants us to cut through our feet!”

This movie is very noisy…

This guy sure does plan out these execution games thoroughly. He must have a lot of free time….

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo – Elwes is the doctor working on Jigsaw while he is dying in the hospital? How is Jigsaw out doing these “games” if he’s dying of colon cancer in the hospital?

Ah Danny Glover… we hardly knew thee….

Elwes has a lot of lipstick on in this scene… someone should fire the make-up guy

Speaking of Elwes, my mom used to think I looked like him back during his skinny Princess Bride days and my skinny youth days…

I see we have an escapee from the Jigsaw Killer! Get it girl!

OOO – and our first look at his mask. Nice fucking bow tie. Jerk!

This lady is doing some good eye acting.

Did I mention this is REALLY FUCKING NOISY??

Is he riding a…………. tricycle?? That’s not very sinister…

As I pause for lunch, I notice I still have over an hour left…

So wait – knowing what I know – they just discovered the two way mirror and they cut to a guy watching a video feed of them in the bathroom. He waves and sings “I see you”… are they hinting this is Jigsaw?? Spoiler: we know that’s him playing dead on the floor, right?? Who the fuck is this guy??

Oh wait, Danny Glover is still alive!

Monica Potter!

A pager!!! A pager!! Nice! Technology rules. BEEP BEEP BEEP.

You’d think that dead body in the middle of the room would be pretty stinky by now…

OK – maybe Jigsaw isn’t hospitalized and was just in for his colon check. Everyone loves fingers up their butts! Right? And cameras!

So Jigsaw has killed one guy (I guess they technically kill themselves) for trying to kill himself, one guy for being a voyeur, and tried to kill one lady because she used drugs. Very motivational.

Danny Glover and his Asian looking cop buddy may have cracked the case!

Here he is. The Big Reveal. Too bad he’s wearing a cowl so we can’t see his face.

WHOOPS! I don’t think Glover is going to make it.

Asian Cop just shot Jigsaw! WIN!! Too bad – a booby trap takes down Asian Cop once and for all! His law enforcing days are over. WIN!

I guess Glover is going to make it after all… WIN!!

AHA – the person watching the video is NOT Jigsaw. WIN!!!

A flip phone! Cigarettes! Cryptic notes! Lame-ass voice-over!

it took until exactly 1:00:14 until something creepy finally happened. Yawnsville. And I still have 42:00:53 left to go.

Why is this movie an hour and forty five fucking minutes long?

The inaugural JB AND THE CHOP WORST FAKE DEATH EVER award goes to Leigh Whannell (ED: I agree!!!!! Jeesh!!!!!)

The inaugural JB AND THE CHOP LAME FLASH AND WHINE: OVERUSE OF A CAMERA FLASH IN A DARK SETTING TO INDUCE SCARES

This tet-a-tet in the toilet and the constant cut of flashbacks are getting old….

Wait? Where did these two random pictures come from? Have they just been there on the floor the entire time??

The mystery of how Jigsaw can be in two places at one time is solved! Zep!

These guys aren’t very good at gunplay… FAIL!!!

Elwes isn’t very good at crying in an American accent. Jesus Christ this is embarrassing for him. This is getting to be almost as bad as Keanu Reeves in Knock Knock.

There’s a LOT of action going on as we lead up to the Big Finish.

Here we go!! Off with the foot!!

OMG the acting here… it’s wretched……

Now he’s not even trying to mask his accent…

He’s off to get help before he bleeds to death! I wonder if he makes another appearance in this series since he survived? I wonder if he went home to his trailer for the evening, knocked back some Brandy snifters and thought, “Elwes, old cock, you did some good acting today!”

The Big Reveal!!

LOL – I thought he had colon cancer the entire time but it’s actually BRAIN CANCER! I FAIL!!

Well – the last few minutes were pretty good. I wonder if Adam will make a return?? Or will he starve to death .like the prison rat he is… Overall I think this was OK. Maybe it’s because I really watched 12 years after it came out. It wasn’t as gory or violent as I remember and it as really noisy in some parts. High Tension was a lot more ickier and I think it came out around the same time. Most of the acting was absolutely wretched. I’m still not 100% on the whole plot (spoilers):

Elwes is Jigsaw’s brain doctor. Zep is an orderly at the hospital Elwes works in. Adam is a guy who was paid by Glover to go around taking pictures of Elwes. Jigsaw is a person who likes to teach people lessons about their humanity because he is going to die of brain cancer and they don’t appreciate what they’ve got going for them. Sooooooooooo:

Jigsaw makes Zep drug and trap Elwes and Adam in a shitty toilet and: Elwes has to kill Adam ORRRRRRRRRRRRR they can cut their feet off and escape. If Elwes doesn’t kill Adam, Zep will kill Elwes’ wife and daughter. In the meantime, Jigsaw lays perfectly still on the floor for over seven hours without moving one single time, Hmmm.

I guess it’s not the worst but I’m already not sold on all of these movies. Hopefully some of them get better??